Children of the Eon

10

Grief. Deep sorrow, especially caused by someone's death. I had my own notion of grief. I thought it was the sad time that followed the death of someone you love, and you had to push through it to get to the other side. But I'm learning there is no other side. There is no pushing through. But rather there is absorption, adjustment, and acceptance. Grief is not something you complete, but rather you endure. Grief is not a task to finish and move on, but an element of yourself. A new way of seeing. No one ever told me that grief felt like fear. I'm not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. Ash keeps telling me that time heals wounds. But he can't tell me what I'm supposed to do right now. Right now I can't sleep. It's right now that I can't eat. Right now I can still hear his voice and sense his presence even though he's not here. I don't agree that time heals all wounds. The wounds remain. In time, the mind protecting it's sanity covers the wound with a scar and the pain lessons, but is never gone. It had been over a week since we left the Eon. We had found a railroad track that boarders the Eon. There was a small rundown building that we had been staying in. We had dropped our things of on the fourth floor hoping if the peacekeepers were in fact coming for me this would help us stay out of sight. Parts of the wood on the building had started to decay. I was awoken in the morning buy a ray of light shining in my eye range from a hole in the roof. I've started to appreciate early mornings. When it feels like the rest of the Eon is still asleep and you're the only one who's awake. Everything feels like it isn't real and you forget about all your problems and grief because for now it's just you and the sunrise. I get awoken to reality by Ash waking up the stairs and coming over to me. "Hey, how you feeling today... I'm sorry stupid question" I roll over to my side to face him " I feel like this grief is never gonna end Ash.. it hurts" I sit up and look into his eyes, he's gives me an understanding look before sitting across from me and taking my hands. "The only cure to grief is to grieve Gray" he rubs his thumb across the top of my hand in a comforting gesture "It takes strength to make your way through grief.. to grab hold of life and let it pull you forward, for everything you've endured in your life I know you have it in you" I give him a weak smile before leaning forward and resting my head on his chest. He places his hand on the back of my head stroking my hair to calm me down. "I know this isn't what you want to hear but we gotta keep moving, if we stay here to long its just a matter of time before they find us" he pulls away looking at me sympathetically "It's okay I understand I'm not gonna do anything to get you hurt too, we'll leave at sun down" I give him a weak reassuring nod, I'm not sure who I was trying to reassure him or me. "You know what happened to your dad is not your fault, don't blame yourself you didn't know what was gonna happen" "but I knew the risk.. I could have prevented it" I look down with shame "The Eon is loathsome, don't hate yourself. It's normal that people feel like this after events like what you have gone through, but please don't blame yourself nor hate yourself." still keeping my head down he knows I'm not convinced "If you want someone to blame... blame the leaders of the Eon. You know what they have done, you've experienced it first hand and so have I." We make eye contact once again but this time my expression reads something different aside from the shame and grief.. determination... vengeance.