Sky's Trash Dump

Rant (Another one? Seriously?)

^^ok that looks like a bad light novel title

So last chapter, I came out as trans on the internet. And admittedly,this is actually a huge part of who I am as a person. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it's one of the ONLY interesting parts of who I am as a person. Because beyond being a trans dude, all I really do is watch anime and draw. My personality (in social interaction) is nearly 95% fake. No one realizes, obviously. Due to the situation in which I live with conservative and slightly religious parents, I am not out at home. I'm planning some stuff for my 16th birthday that might help, but that's just hoping

           So being trans like I am, I tend to overcompensate with my masculinity. I've often made the joke about "I have more balls than you and I don't even physically HAVE balls" and things along that line. It's not something I flaunt in everyday life. In fact, due to my previously mentioned situation, I almost never even bring it up. The only time I'm very open about this is on the internet. You can fight me on that.

           Not being out of the closet warrants some obnoxious things, obviously. Such things include (but are not limited to):
-Being lectured on acting ladylike
-Being incorrectly corrected when referring to myself as a dude
-Being completely invalidated
-Facing the idiotic classmates, who say that "you don't have a dick so you can't be a dude" (yes I said dick, fight me)
-Constant (and I mean constant) misgendering.

           Not to mention trying to find a way to bind without actually owning a binder. Lately, I've been using an old scarf that no one wears. Which is apparently NOT safe. It doesn't matter to me. If I die from it, at least I would die feeling slightly more comfortable with myself. What's worse is passing as both a guy and a girl, then getting kicked out of the bathroom. Although, I've used this to my advantage in festivals when lines are particularly long.

           My trans-ness really defines who I am as a person. It is such a big part of me, but gets blown off, ignored, scorned, and insulted by the majority of people I know who all say that "trannies should go to hell".

           And now, dysphoria

           If you haven't experienced dysphoria (which I sincerely hope not) it's horrible. You look at yourself in the mirror, and just feel grossed out. Because what you see doesn't match how you feel, or what you want. I could almost compare it to just any visual insecurity for relatability. There are ways to try and adjust how you look so that you can be the way you want to look, but there's only so much you can do as a minor.

My main point in all this bullshit is this:

People not believing in me doesn't make me any less valid.