Dear Future Me;

Dear Future Me; (Rebecca. H)

Dear future Rebecca, Hello, first of all. I hope the future is treating you well. I however, have not been very well lately, but not in a physical way, I mean in a mental way. You will remember the panic attacks, the depression and the cutting. These things get worse every day. Mum and Dad found out and they believe I'm getting better, but I'm really just getting better at hiding it. They have treated me well about it though and chose not to send me to a psycologist, for which I am truly thankful.

I am very lonely. I feel like I have no friends. Perhaps dropping out of school was not the best for my social situation. Did you go back to school at all? Or meet any other homeschoolers?

I am sure you will remember wanting to end your life and I sincerly hope that, you end up reading this instead. I have told myself I will stay for the sake of the future, not for the sake of the past.

For the rest of teenagehood, for the future heartbreaks and first kisses, for learning new things and turning into an adult, for your wedding, your pregnancies, raising your children and witnessing these events for other people too. For chocolate, chrismas, drawing, writing, black fineliners (You've always liked them), kittens, making daisy chains, being a bridesmaid, eating pasta, watching Jane Austen films and makeup tutorials, the smell before rain and watching the stars. Those are the reasons you will read this letter one day. 

By the way, do you still feel confused about who you want to be? Or have you decided yet?

You see, a part of me wants to be the girl that wears lipstick and breaks hearts, but another part of me wants to be the girl who's cute and friendly, and yet another part of me wishes I was the girl in the corner, drawing a picture and not needing people to define her life. I know I could be any of these, but I'm not so sure about all of them. I hope you have chosen wisely, I am trusting you.

You may also be wondering if, at this point in my life, there was a certain male I was intrested in. I am not sure whether I'm pleased or not to say that there currently isn't. I don't really know any boys right now. Did you find a man? Is he handsome? Is he funny? Does he see past the outside and into your soul? Whatever he is, please make sure he is nice to you and please be nice to him back. You may not even notice him at first, so be aware of who is around you and what they want from you. I must admit that giving relationship advice to my future self is a tad strange, but I hope it helped.

Anyway, it is 1:37am on a monday morning and I must be getting to sleep. (Teenagers need as much sleep as toddlers, you know) so goodnight. I was going to say all the best for the future, but by the time you read this, it will be your past so good luck with that too. Please be alive, happy and reading this sometime in the next decade. Love from your 14-and-a-quarter, rather desperate, lonely self. Xoxoxo