Dear Future Me;

Dear Future Me; (Elaine G.Y.Y)

Dear me, my future self,

How ya doing? How’s life? I hope you’re doing fine. Hold up! Let’s take a moment for you to remember that a friend of ours sort of ‘forced’ us to write this. I think you’ll remember her once I mention her in the letter soon enough. I hope you’r – we’re – still friends with her. Okay back to whatever I was typing. Oh oh! Are you an archaeologist yet? Are you traveling the world? Did our dream came true? I certainly hope it did because that would be nice. Really nice. You know, the feeling of achieving something one longs for. I’m sure you know the feeling, you’re me and I’m you for god’s sake!

But what I, the past you, would really like to know is, are you holding up? I know the next few years are going to be hard and I just really really wanted to know if you – we – made it through. We had a lot of secrets didn’t we? Did you open up the secrets aka problems to anyone particularly? I sure hope you did because it was definitely a baggage. A very heavy one in fact. You’d probably think back and ask yourself why didn’t we/me/you open up back then. Well,

1. fact that no one is going to believe you,

2. nobody cares when they have their own problems,

3. probably didn’t want to be selfish.

You’ve tried hinting them that you cry yourself to sleep but hey nobody cares! I don’t hint them anymore.

Remember when you just enjoyed being alone, when you were me in year 2013 and 2014? Yeah those were the good old days. It just feels right you know, just sitting there alone, watching people –but not in a creepy way, I swear – listening to conversations and you know, just sitting there chilling. Yeah.

I’m sure you’re happy now. With a boyfriend I suppose? Aha. Does it feel nice? Having someone that will always be by your side? I bet it feels wonderful. Having someone to rely on. Yeah it has got to be nice. Damn. Anyways, I hope he’s nice and everything you’ve ever wanted in a guy. I hope it’s not that douche you liked for a while because he still sucks in 2014. I’m sure you remember being under a lot of pressure in 2013 and 2014. I mean, who wouldn’t be stressed out? Having a sister that is like what a hundred times smarter than you. Being the not-so-smart one in the family. Always disappointing your – our – parents. I wonder if you’ve made them proud. Oh and having super smart cousins! Yeah being stress would be an understatement, to be honest. Then there’s this phase you gone through – which I am currently going through – where you think you’ll never be good enough, never be ‘decent looking enough’ [I still think it’s because of the eyes.] I’m not sure. Just not good enough. Hell, you/us/we went through 5 choral speaking auditions! 5! The damn 5! You soon found out it wasn’t that fun heh.

REMEMBER WHEN PEOPLE KEEP JUDGING YOU BECAUSE YOU CAN’T SPEAK CLEARLY WELL I’M SORRY IF I HAVE A LOT OF SALIVA IN MY MOUTH AND I DON’T WANT TO SPIT AT PEOPLE! GOSH.

How’s the parents? They doing good? Fine? Well? Although I don't say this much but I love them. I really do. Remember when mother [HAHAHAH MOTHER I CAN’T] used to scratch your back cos’ you a lazy as bitch? The good old days! Remember when we/you were like 6 and when we can’t sleep we used to wake father up and he’ll just carry us around the bedroom putting us to sleep? Oh those days were the highlight of my life. I’m sure they still bicker at each other. Old people, what can you possibly do about them? I mean all of us will be old in no time. No time, at all.

Well nuff bout parents!

I think this is too long.

Remember that friend? That friend that lent you crayon when you were ten? She’s something isn’t she? [Did she pay that RM17 she owes you from 2014?] She is an amazing friend – when you exclude all the moments where she yells at people, gets all hot tempered – Yeap, she’s amazing indeed. Do you recall that time in 2012 or is it 2014 I’m not sure where you sort of ‘took a peek’ into her journal aka notebook aka whatever she uses that book for and you found all those mean things she thinks about herself and when you tried talking to her about she denied it, is the memory rushing into your brain? I hope you’ve talked to her about. In 2013, you found out one of your friends cut themselves and she told you to kept quiet about it. Did you finally have that ‘talk’ with her? She wasn’t like that was she? I miss the old her. I miss those times when we were 8.

I honestly think I miss out a lot. I hope you, me in the future, is having a good time. Not partying, duh. But reading a romance novel by the one and only CJY. Hopeless romantic alert!

Go be that happy girl I once knew so that the past you, will know that she’ll be in safe hands … of her own. [I had to! I’m hilarious.] Go be satisfied with yourself because there’s only one you, one us. I’ll meet you soon enough. I promise I won’t think of suicide again though I’ll never muster up the courage to do it.

I promise you. I promise me. I love you. [Well obviously.]

Sincerely,

Your not lame past.