CHARLIE ZUKO

8 | I'm scared

"Charlie?" Rizzo says, as we pull up outside the gloomy building, "I'm scared."
"I know, Riz. Me too."
We get out of the car and go up to the block of flats. A suited man greets us with four words, "You have the money?"
Rizzo nods and takes out the 5 $50 notes that we scrounged round for. $50 from me, $150 from Sandy and $50 from Rizzo herself.
"You ready?" I say to her.
She nods grimly.
"Who is this?" The man says.
"I'm her friend. And I'm coming in."
"You are English?" He says, "You shouldn't come in, but I suppose-"
"Thank you." I walk in, Rizzo following me.
As we walk up the stairs, the man talks to us.
"The doctor who will be looking after you is a young Italian in training."
Rizzo nods grimly again.
"He's reasonably experienced, and he isn't the same one that did that girl."
Rizzo nods again.
After several flights of stairs, the man stops.
"Wait here," He points at me, "you come with me," he says to Rizzo.
I wait as Rizzo goes in and I just hear the man saying:
"Please empty your bladder in there, remove your clothes, apart from your blouse, and wrap this towel around you."
Then the door closes.
About 30 minutes later, the door opens. It's the man.
"You can come in."
I follow him, to see Rizzo sitting with her clothes back on, her black armour not hiding how vulnerable she looks.
"You're looking after her?"
I nod.
"Come back here at 11 tomorrow."
I nod. Rizzo stands up and slowly follows me to the car.
"How was it?"
She sits down, and doesn't answer. I drive off, to Rizzo's house where I'll be spending the night with her.
"It was horrible," she says, suddenly.
Her parents are away.
I pull up outside her house and we get out.
"Rizzo-"
She unlocks the door and goes inside.
"Riz-"
"I can't Charlie. I want to sleep."
"Let's just sit for now? Sleep later, or you-"
"Charlie, it hurts."
I go in with her and we sit down in her bedroom.
"Do you want to eat something?"
She shakes her head.
"Do you-"
She shakes her head.
I light a cigarette.
She shakes her head.

"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" I say as we lie down to go to sleep.
Rizzo nods.
"This time tomorrow it will all be over," I say.
Rizzo nods.
"Does it hurt?"
"Just like period pains."
We sleep fitfully and both wake up at 4 in the morning.
"I could die, Charlie," Rizzo says.
"I know," I reply, turning over to look at her scared face.
"I won't."
"I know."
"I haven't got any of the bad symptoms. I'll be okay."
"I know," and I watch her fall back to sleep.

I wake up and the sun is shining through the open window. Rizzo is standing with a cigarette.
"You're still alive, then."
Rizzo looks round and smiles, "yes."
I look at the clock. It's 10, and it takes about half an hour to get there.
"Quick," I say, "we need to get ready," I look at Rizzo. She's dressed, "oh."
"I didn't want to wake you up yet."
I stand up and throw my black skirt and one of Rizzo's shirts on. That's what's good about black, it goes with everything. I grab some breakfast as Rizzo sits quietly in the car.

And we're there. And even though the day is bright the apartment block is still grey and damp and gloomy.
The same procedure as yesterday happens, except they only get $50.
And Rizzo is gone.
And then I'm in there and the man is explaining what she needs to look out for and what to do and what not to do and then she's back and she's looking even more vulnerable and I don't know what to do except hug her but even that's not enough after what she's been through but I do it anyway and then we're in the car and she's crying-
And I pull over and hug her again-
But it's not enough because-
She's so, so sad.
"Not for the baby," she tells me, "How could I be sad for it when I never knew it and it nearly ruined my life?"
"What for, then?" I say.
"I don't know," she says, "but promise me you'll make up with Rodriguez if me and Kenickie do?"
I nod, and we drive off again-
And Rizzo is okay but when I drop her off-
There's a tiny bit of blood on the seat-
And god I worry-
So I ring her and she says she's okay-
But somehow I don't believe her so I visit.
And I as I open the door she puts on a brave face and we sit down on her bed,
And
She
Cries.
And shit I don't know what to do,
And it worries me to see Rizzo, who seems so, so strong, falling apart like this.
"It's the carnival soon," I say, trying to comfort her.
But it makes her cry more.
And I just
Watch
Her
Cry.
So I stay the night with her.

In the morning I wake up and Rizzo is, once again, standing by the window, holding a cigarette, fully dressed. It's Monday, I realise. It's school.
"Riz, are you okay?"
She turns round, startled, and nods.
I smile and nod and get up and go to the toilet. And there's a tiny bit of blood on her pyjama shorts which are draped over the bath.
But I don't worry.
And I'm not scared.
But when I get back to Rizzo's room I light a cigarette and then another.

Words: 959