I Had To Let Him Go [Harry Styles]

Chapter 4

"Is eveybody having a great time?"

Harrys voice boomed over the entire arena and Im shaken out of reminicing for the last time and forced to keep my mind in the present. It was a special concert held in the London O2 arena. Its a mixed concert between Take Me Home songs and Midnight Memories tracks and supposed to be a transition into the new tour. Its a few weeks before they start their new world wide "stadium" tour and I was incredibly sad. My parents are forcing me to start looking for Universities since I have put it off long enough. But what I want to do with my life? That I still havent decided.

At this show were the boys families, friends, and of course their girlfriends. We were all together grouped in the same section so when the show was over we could be ushered out all at once. It was an incredible "One Night Only" concert and all the boys took everything in. They were excited to start a new tour and really show off what they can do best.

But ever since I had that thought, you know the thought, all of it almost seemed tainted for me.

Oh stop Cher! Youre so dramatic! ... but...I cant shake it.

This life that Im living with him is so not me. Yes Ive had this thought before many many times...but has something ever hit you before? So hard kind of like a speeding train? That was one of those feelings.

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Before the end of the last song we (friends, family, girlfriends) were escorted out to greet them backstage and to have a little after party at a nearby restaurant we rented out.

"Goodnight everyone!" We heard them yell into the mics as the crowds screams grew to an enormous roar. They came backstage and we all cheered for them as smiles grew on their faces. Harry spotted me ,smiled, and came right over to me.

His large hands wrapped around my waist as he drew me in to be as close as possible to him. He was sweaty and his breathing was fast but being in his arms was nothing short of amazing.

"You were incredible" I breathed into his ear.

"You think so?" He joked. He pulled away from me and we just stared with large smiles plastered on our faces.

"Oh no sorry I was talking about Liam." This quip drew a laugh from his beautiful lips and he landed a sweet kiss on my forehead. "Of course you were incredible" I breathed as he pulled away.

"Thank you babe"

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At the after party I still couldnt shake this feeling that now hung over me: I dont belong here. The party wasnt so much a night club scene with music and profanity blaring but simple and nice, yet so many people. I stuck to Harry most of the night with the exception of giving him time to be with his friends without me. I went and talked to my friends that I have made within the past months but again something didnt feel the same.

God, am I going mental? Literally and figuratively?? Stop Cher..just stop. Tomorrow youll wake up and everthing will be right with the world. Harry and yours relationship will feel the same, youll go to parties and theyll feel the same, and you will feel absolutely guilty for thinking all of this.

Finding Harry again towards the end of the party , I slipped into his conversation with his friends. With his hand around my waist slightly rubbing up and down I began to cherish this moment. He was deep in conversation yet he still clutched me like I was going to leave him...

But I really wasnt, was I?

This inner conflict must have been showing on my face because he turned and quietly asked me, "Something the matter?"