Complications (Zarry)

Chapter 12 - The Start of the Spiral

Note: blame depression for this extremely late update, sorry. chapter dedicated to @btwzarry who is the most wonderful person i could ever have in my life and the reason i'm holding on. biggest shout out goes to her. you can also go read her zarry story 'his cage' if you want, it's a wonderful story and i recommend it :) anyways, enjoy.

-

As a kid, Harry was a loner. He liked being alone, his imaginary friends and world full of dreams were enough to replace any loneliness he was supposed to feel. He would send his mom a toothy grin as she reminds him to "say hi" everyday before school, and he would send it to her again when he comes back and she asks him about his day. He wasn't stupid, he knew how to make friends, but in his head, what's the point of getting close to strangers you know nothing about when you can create people and imagine them any way you want to. He also wasn't stupid because he knew what made his mom happy, so he would always come back home, assuring her that he had so much fun with his friends and that he can't wait for tomorrow. It's not lying, because he did have fun with his friends, only they weren't the friends his mom imagined. Which made it all better because they were his own, and no could imagine them like he did. It made him happy.

It was all great as a kid, when he didn't believe anything bad could happen to him because of that. But then he started growing up, being lonely didn't feel that great anymore and he stopped smiling towards his mom after coming back from school because he didn't want to lie. He was still a loner, only it wasn't by choice.

It's ironic, how there was a time where he treasured loneliness and enjoyed it. Because now, he hates loneliness, defines it as the worst feeling in the world, can't stand a day without seeing someone. He wants to be a social butterfuly, wants to meet everyone, talk to everyone, grab everyone's attention, be with everyone. And he does, only it's on rare occasions; work parties, fancy celebrations at the mansion of one of his dad's friends, party invitations from people who actually remembered him from school. It sucks because he's a free person and he wants to be everywhere, only he can't because he's not practically lonely, he just doesn't have any friends. Not anymore.

It took over a part of his life; the desire to not be lonely. It made him take advantage of any chance he gets to meet people, or to go out with others, seize every moment that meant drawing people's attention and being free, loose, unchained. He just doesn't want to be lonely, and he will take every chance he gets to not be lonely.

That's why he calls Louis that night after he's back from work. You'd think he's exhausted and that he should be spending time with Zayn. But Zayn is stressed out, and spends most of their days at work, declining most of Harry's call so when Louis' face flashes in his head that night, Harry sees a chance to end his loneliness and he takes it.

He fucking takes it.

-

Harry finally finds something that sparks some excitement to his now mostly boring days, and that's why he's buzzing with energy, can't fucking wait as he gets ready to go out with Louis. He's pulling his shirt down while hopping and trying to squeeze his legs through his jeans while looking around for his baige pair of boots. He's excited and when he's excited, he wants to do everything at once. So, when his shirt is pulled all the way down, his eyes catching on his boots lying at the corner of the room as he buttons his jeans, he almost shouts out and fist bumps the air because yes, he's actually doing something today. Something that doesn't involve arguing with his dad or staring at Zayn or laying in bed doing nothing.

He goes to meet Louis at this not-so-fancy cafe that was a bit far away from his and Zayn's house but was worth it. You can smell coffee and table cleanser as you walk in and it feels good. It's not crowded nor is it empty, only has one guy on his laptop in the middle and two girls chatting in the far corner. He sits on a table at the corner opposite to where the two girls are sitting and he starts fiddling with his fingers as he waits for Louis. He feels a bit guilty for not telling Zayn he was leaving and he knows he will be mad for coming home to an empty house but he doesn't think too much about it. He's not doing anything behind Zayn's back, anyway.