Youtuber One Shots

I'm Gone - BBS One Shot - Part 1

Genre: oh you're about to sob like a fucking newborn baby, fam.

Type: IRL AU type thing?? Idk, but ur in for a fucking trip. Don't expect a happy ending.

Pairing(s): I Am Wildcat centric. I guess it could be considered Poly!BBS??

    Tyler could swear he wasn't the way they all made him seem. He wasn't that person. He wasn't that monster. He knew he wasn't; He fucking knew he wasn't.

Tyler's hands shook slightly as he stared at himself. He was skinnier, paler; dead-looking. His eyes lost their sparkle and he couldn't figure out when it happened. He couldn't remember when it happened. Hell, he couldn't remember the last time he really looked himself in the mirror. He never did face cam anymore. He never posted pictures of himself with Kino. He never even gave his friends a chance to see him during skype sessions or facetime. He wouldn't be able to handle their stares, their words, their insults, or their questions. He could hardly stand it from himself, but from his friends? He'd lose it. But that was the thing with his friend, they could tell him to delete his entire YouTube channel and he'd so easily comply. He'd listen to everything they tell him. If they so much as said anything about the way he looked or talked or dressed, he'd change himself to make them happy. He'd change himself for their sakes. Not because Tyler wanted acceptance or anything, but he, technically, did. He was in love with them. Every single one of them: Anthony, Scotty, Marcel, Craig, Brock, Brian, Daithi, Evan, Delirious, Cartoonz, Ohm, Bryce..

    He'd do anything for them.

    It wasn't exactly ideal to be in love with them, but Tyler couldn't help it. You can't really help who you fall in love with or who you love. It all just happens. Tyler knew his affection for these men didn't happen all at once. It sort of took place over time, and fuck, he hated himself for it. He hated the way they made him feel. Not because he didn't want it, but because he didn't believe he deserved it. He didn't even believe he deserved their friendship, but he cherished it so deeply, so closely. He'd do anything for any of them and that was a fact he would never admit to anyone. Not that he told anyone much of anything anymore. It was hard for him to even begin to say something to any of them, but with recording with them on an almost daily basis and expecting to be able to get a single word in? Tyler gave up after a week of never being able to say anything or give anyone advice. It was almost like none of them noticed, though. They were too entranced in each other to notice his step back.

    It wasn't until his comments section and twitter mentions blew up with continuous questions of what was going on that anyone really noticed. But even then, he shrugged it off as the fans overreacting and didn't say any more on the topic. If that's how they reacted to him being quieter in videos, he couldn't even imagine their reactions when they saw what current state he was in. He hadn't eaten for a few days, hardly left his house in two weeks, and didn't even try to connect with any of his friends. It was all hitting him so harshly, all at once. It was like he'd dropped off the face of the earth and none of his close friends even noticed. None of them gave him a second glance. None of them wanted him. And it fucked crushed him. It tore his heart apart, with no optimistic outlook of return.

He kept to himself, mostly. Tyle only spoke when spoken to, only gave his input when asked, only gave a reply when prompted. It killed him, it really did, but he assumed it was for the best. It was all for the sake of his friends, for the sake of their content, and the sake of his heart not being able to put himself first. He couldn't find it in him to ever say no to them. He couldn't disappoint them like that, couldn't bare to see their faces with crushed expressions. It all seemed to haunt him. He feared that they'd find out, that they'd figure everything out and laugh at him. They'd leave him in the dust, leave him behind, to rot and struggle on his own. He was absolutely sure of it. So he kept quiet, kept to himself, kept out of their way. He gave them the gold moments they'd needed for videos and that'd be it. He'd be completely pushed aside afterwards. He'd never felt so neglected, so unloved, in his entire life.