How To Save a Life [ON HOLD]

[six]

I wake to the low mumble of a children's television show, letting out a quiet moan. I pry my heavy eyes open only to be met with the blinding light of the loungeroom. I sit up, my eyes slowly adjusting to the sun streaming in through the window on the wall right of me. Confusion consumes me as I look around the familiar room and only then do I realise I'm curled up under a blanket on the couch. Why am I on the couch?

I think for a moment.

And cue the flashbacks from last night.

The familiar feeling of shame floods my body as I recall the events and how Tristan witnessed the dangerous storm that is my mother. Shaking the memories away, I focus back onto the present moment.

My tired eyes land on a small figure sitting on the end of the couch beside me, completely engrossed in the program playing on the screen. Too distracted to notice me, I wrap the blanket around my shoulders and walk past my brother, suddenly aware of a sweet smell hanging in the air. Walking across into the kitchen the smell becomes stronger, making me a little queezy.

I stop in my tracks at the doorway. Next to the stove stands Tristan, turning to face me with a goofy smile on his face and a plate of pancakes in his hands.

"Goodmorning Sunshine. How're you feeling?" The smile never left his face but I can see the concern in his eyes. I shrug one shoulder, pulling the blanket tighter around me. My eyes avert to the kicthen bench where Lexus is scrolling through her phone with one hand and eating pancakes with the other. She lifts her eyes to meet mine.

"It's about time you woke up." She mumbles, looking back down to her phone and shovelling down another mouthful of pancake.

"I made you pancakes." Tristan chirps, grabbing my attention as he walks towards me with the plate of said pancakes. I feel my stomach twist with the familiar feeling of wanting to throw up at the sight of food. No, this time I am going to throw up.

Quickly excusing myself I run for the downstairs bathroom, shutting the door behind me and dropping the oh so warm blanket to the ground. I throw myself at the toilet, lifting the seat only mere seconds before the disgusting goods come up.

I haven't eaten anything for days, so what is there to throw up?

The answer? Nothing. Instead the only thing I seem to be bringing up is an odd coloured watery substance. Nevertheless, it had the same effect.

I sit back against the wall, resting my head against the cool tiles and letting out deep breaths. I find my eyes drooping shut, fatigue rushing through me.

After what feels like an hour but was probably only five minutes, I push myself off of the ground and steady myself on my feet. I flush the toilet and step over to the basin, my reflection staring back at me. I can hardly recognise in the girl in the mirror. To say I look like shit would be a complete understatement.

My face is as white as a ghost and black bags are more then evident under my lifeless eyes. My hair is a birds nest on the top of my head with baby hairs sticking out in all directions, making me question when I actually put it in a messy bun.

Turning the tap on, I splash cold water on my face and rinse my mouth out. I grab the hand towl beside me and dab my face dry before pulling my hair out and letting it flow down my back. I stare at my reflection once again. I take in all my flaws, realising just how much of a disgusting mess I truly am. What has happened to me?

Why am I letting myself become like this again? I haven't done this to myself since everything started, in which I nearly ended up in hospital. Well I would've if my mother hadn't of thought that I was 'fine' when I clearly wasn't. She'd probably say I'm 'fine' even if I'm literally lying on my death bed. I don't know why she hates me so much.