tellem.

what's in a name?

raheema.

       'A name so nice, you gotta say it twice.' That's what my dad, affectionately known as Dad, says when I complain about my name. "It's unique, little girl. How many other Raheemas you know?" The answer, of course, is none. There could be other Raheemas in St. Louis, but I don't say it because it's not worth starting shit with him. Especially not while he's in a fairly good mood. This satisfies him enough to let him walk off, but only for a few. "It means merciful, kind and tenderhearted. Even though you know and I know you ain't nowhere close to being any of these things, it's got roots over in the Motherland or close to over there. With you being Afrocentric, you woulda thought you'd appreciate that." Oh. Okay.

       Tupac the Great says that an usual name such as mine is a character builder. "If you have a name that no one else has, you have to repeat it twice. You gotta say it with extra feeling the second time, it builds character." This rings truth, even for me. Seems as if I've rebelled against the meaning of my name all my 15 years of living. (I'll dip further into that later.)

       My boyfriend Julio always says my name is some adjective you associate with the ripest of fruits, or the best pastries since like, ever. His most recent description of my name is delicious. I think not. I think his whoremones make aspect of me appear that way, or something borderline freaky. Sexy, sweet, juicy, the list never fucking stops. His list doesn't stop me from liking how he says it. It starts as a low rumble coming deep from is six pack-almost a purr- and it erupts into a perfectly rolled 'R'. He always hooks me right there, that early. Forget the '-aheema', the rest of the puzzle piece.

       Teachers (white teachers, really) say it wrong most of the time. I know it ain't on purpose, it better not be, but it gets mad annoying. Subs are the worst. Whenever we have one, I either stop them at Rah or tell them to hell with calling me by my first name, to just call me Blackwood. I been gave up trying to coach these niggas through it.

       My friends say it's a pretty and exotic one. To be exact, last week, my best friend Carmen said it 'adds mystery and allure'. I'm not sure exactly what she meant by that; is she saying I need to be less open? Less boring? Was it a compliment? With Carmen, you never know.

       They say lots of things, but I say it's a perpetual oxymoron. I'm not merciful on these hoes or their stiff jungle weave when I joan on them- it goes against my code. I can be nice when I wanna be, but most people have pushed me far past kindness. I'm not gonna make the mistake of being soft by being tenderhearted again, so that's way out of the question. I say that I'm too bitter of a girl to be sweet, with the lotus resting between my thighs being up for debate since it's never even been touched. I say that it adding allure and mystery to me is bullshit, because that's what's in a name. Bullshit.