This Time, Last Time (A Harry Potter Universe Fanfiction)

It

Saw you staring into nothing

In the silence something's screaming

I know you're trying but there's nothing you can say

I feel better in the morning

When all my troubles lose their meaning

Let go, there's nothing you can change

-"Heavy Heart," Gabrielle Aplin

---

April 2007

Everything had been fine that morning. He and Elise came in to work together as usual. They had plans for lunch which Elise cancelled with some excuse about a last minute meeting, but when he headed out with Dawson instead, he saw her sitting in her office with both feet up on her chair and her head tipped back, eyes closed. She hadn't even bothered to close her door and pretend she was actually busy. That was when he knew something was wrong.

James tried to get her alone all afternoon, but then she actually was busy in meetings, some of which he was in on. She sat by him and offered plenty to the conversation, but every time someone else was talking she would look down at her hands and her face got this worried expression on it that James really didn't think had to do with the office conversation. Usually the worse the outlook seemed, the more excited Elise got. She loved a challenge.

They got out of work late that day. She wasn't ready to leave until almost 6:30 and he was nearly kept later but he couldn't stop worrying about Elise so he pulled some strings to get out of it and knocked outside her door.

"Ready to go?" he asked. She looked straight at him and nodded, even managed to smile a little. But he didn't believe it. The smile never reached her eyes.

James slipped his hand into hers as they headed out. She was quiet as they left the ministry, quiet when they got home. She went straight to the kitchen to make dinner and James was all too aware that she wasn't singing lightly under her breath like usual, hadn't even turned on the radio. He let her be for a while, but about the time he caught her leaning against the counter and staring out the window with dinner ready on the table, never having called to tell him, he knew it was time to intervene.

He walked in quietly, took both her hands and just said "Elise."

She kept her gaze out the window. It was April and it was raining. It had been raining every day for three weeks. But then, this was Ireland. It was always raining.

"Elise," he said again, softer the second time. "What are you-"

"I think I'm pregnant."

James was quiet for a long time. His stomach had knotted up. He couldn't take his eyes off the placid expression on her face, completely immobile. "You think?" he asked finally.

She turned her head to look the opposite direction, still away from him. The kitchen was getting dark. She hadn't turned any lights on and the sun had just finished setting. "I know," she said.

"Oh," said James, because he didn't know how to feel. She didn't seem happy, that much was certain. She didn't seem to want to celebrate.

"Let's just have dinner," she said.

James circled one hand over her low back and then they went to the table and ate dinner in silence.

She didn't say another word about it until she was lying in bed. She lay on her back with her knees up, making a tent under the covers. Both arms were folded above her head. James pulled the curtains down and turned off the light and it was during his short trek from the lightswitch to the bed that she spoke.