A Rambling Place

It's Three in the Goddamn Early

Alright, so since I feel like collapsing into a pile of bowels and consequence all over my gross bedroom carpet, I figured I'd check up on me favorite ol stomping ground, gogogadget . com. Sure. Why not? Now the first new wonder to grace my virgin eyes was, naturally, a fidget spinner flash game. This kind of timeless, unprecedented content instantly grabbed my attention, and I felt the need to play it like a fiddle. After going through the prerequisite ads (2 of them instead of 1, presumably because the coder behind this brilliance had to make their own cut of that sweet ad rev), you find yourself immersed in stimulating, thrilling gameplay.
But folks, don't start beating your dick to this game just yet, you haven't seen the really outstanding features yet. I spun that sucker right round like some shitty clip from Alvin and the Chipmunks but once, only one time, and immediately another ad was playing. It was astounding. Imagine the fuckin money this person was bathing in.
But then. Then I understood. It wasn't the game that was a boring cash grab poised to take advantage of children's innocence, it was just that I wasn't playing it correctly! Because, thank God, GirlsGoGames.com has compiled all of the best strategy in the book right here, in the walkthrough.

Did I click it? Yes I did. What did I find? A walkthrough for a completely different, yet identical fidget spinner game with yet another ad just before it. Honestly, I support that decision. Anyone who needs a walkthrough for this really deserves to deal with ads. The walkthrough is five fucking minutes long, and actually the least helpful thing I've ever seen. It's actually kind of incredible, and I begin to clap, slowly at first, and then louder and faster, standing to give this ADHD driven game the standing ovation it deserves.

But we can't rest now. There are certainly other gems to be found. I'd like to take a moment to recognize that many of the ads on the homepage are, oddly enough, for Bendy and the Ink Machine. Indeed, I felt a rustling in the cockles of my heart as I paused the five minute long, pointless tutorial for a fidget spinner game and saw the screen fade to black, before slowly fading in an image of Bendy and whoever the fuck the Goofy ripoff is staring into my soul.

Shit boys, let's play some まんが Creator 11 ( that's manga for those of you who aren't cool and don't have access to Google Translate). There have already been 10 of these little fuckers, so they better be good. Again, we have the option to view a walkthrough if need be.

So this is the default manga page they set you up with. Lets see what we can create.

Cool so I guess that's APH Japan sexually harrassing Zen from Mystic Messenger in a kinky stable. I retract my earlier statement. There is gay content on this site, as long as you have a Creative Mind. Please help me I'm so empty inside.
Anyway, I'm gonna give this game 4 chili dogs out of five because it let me vicariously live out my kinky gay fantasies but it only had one pose to choose from. I could probably get a base exactly like this from deviantart, crack that shit open on mspaint, and have a time.

Now, for one last game. One that caught my eye. One that I thought, surely, couldn't be real.
After my third Star Stable ad of the day, I watched in horror as "Trump Funny Face" loaded up in front of me.

It is exactly what I'd hoped and more. And apparently it had 6.5 million Facebook likes. Or maybe that was the whole site, who knew. Now, I tried to get wild with this thing, really push it to the limits, but it wasn't quite ready for my brand of mildly testing the mechanics, and I found myself waiting for it to load. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe I needed some time to really soak of the sunbeams here, maybe get burnt, possibly even a little melanoma.

I love political comics. God bless America. 9/9 supreme court justices. Best fucking game I ever played on a little girls website.