Impossible

Sushi, Revelations & Grease

Ch 7: Sushi, Revelations & Grease

I woke up early the next morning surprised to see Harry asleep beside me. It had been an empty spot beside me for so long, it was a bit jarring to have him there.

 I let him sleep and slipped out from under the comforter and went to start something for breakfast. I saw his old dodgy brown boots tucked beside each other at the front door. God, how I hated those boots, but they still made me smile, just to see them there. As if the boots symbolized that he was here and that he wasn’t leaving, but I knew.

 I opened up my laptop after I started the kettle and started hunting for evidence of what Angie had told me the night before about Liam. Sure enough, it was all over tumblr AND twitter now.

 As I looked at the hundredth repost of Liam snogging a random dude outside of a pub, something clicked in the back of my mind. Louis had called Harry just minutes before Angie had burst into the apartment. Louis was angry, really angry with something Liam had done. He had clearly been very affected by something Liam had done, and I couldn’t believe it had taken me so long to process what it meant.

  I considered texting Louis to confirm if my suspicions were correct, but knowing him, he probably needed some space right now. I glanced over at my phone anyways and noticed it was flashing, and right away I knew who it was. Niall.

 Oh no. I had forgotten to message Niall back yesterday. Things just got so intense so quickly and the time just got away from me. Harry wasn’t supposed to even be back from L.A! There just wasn’t enough time for me to figure out what I was going to tell Niall about my relationship with Harry. Did I even need to? Was there anything to tell?

 I heard shuffling in the next room and my thoughts scattered. I wasn’t done having my existential crisis yet! Thoughts of my time without him filled my head, visiting Anne, the twitter craziness, tumblr, Jana & Ashley, going to L.A…actually, it was all about Harry in the end. Everything that had happened was because of him. He was always with me in the back of my mind, fueling my emotions and motivating me to take the next step.

 I picked up my cell finally and answered Niall with a good morning and wished him a nice day. He said he would be busy that day so hopefully he would take a million years to reply to me to I could have more time to figure things out.

 I slammed my laptop full of incriminating fan evidence shut and hoped that would help clear my mind of all the extra crap while I tried to hold a conversation with my Harry. Today he would be just my Harry, not Mr. Harry Freaking Styles.

X

 Harry and I went for a lunch date at our favorite sushi spot, where we had our first date back in high school. We still hadn’t resolved a single thing, however I was dreading what the result would be; as I assumed he also was, thus we avoided it.

 Neither one of us wanted to break up, that felt too final…but we were never together. It didn’t even seem like we were a real thing anymore. Something had to give.

 It was all of these thoughts bundled together that were running through my mind as we walked down the block to lunch. When his hand fumbled beside me, I didn’t think twice, until his fingers intertwined with mine. I smiled wide despite myself. Here at home in Cheshire, Harry was alright with holding my hand in public, and that felt like a good start to me.

 However, that’s when things started going downhill. A man with a huge camera ran at us from across the street, clicking like mad as he did. I didn’t realize at first what was happening, but Harry did. He stood directly in front of me, pulling me gently behind him, but he knew as well as I did that it didn’t matter. He was spotted and he was with me, this was the end of us being a secret, and the end of my anonymity as a random person that he didn’t know. I knew tumblr and twitter and today they would be my biggest enemy.

 It felt kind of ironic that the two places I had been hiding for weeks would now turn on me so quickly. I started to imagine the kind of posts that would be made with the pictures of Harry and I holding hands on our innocent trip to have lunch and mend our relationship.

 Then I started to panic. Angie, Jana, Ashley, and even Niall would see this. This affected so much more than just Harry. Terror rose as I realized the man with the camera was not alone. They were everywhere, and they were getting closer.

 Harry’s grip on my hand tightened. He tugged me along into a yogurt shop and towards the cash area. The cashiers looked shocked at the build-up of people at their doors, but seemed relieved that they weren’t piling in after Harry. Harry pulled out his cellphone and dialed. He spoke to someone briefly, asking for a member of his security to come meet him. 

 The manager led us into the staff room so we could sit down privately while we waited. Harry looked furious and confirmed my thoughts as he got up very suddenly and punched a wall with all his strength. As he sat back down biting his lip, I realized he had hurt himself in his effort to let off some steam.

 I grabbed his red fist and kissed his knuckles.

 We placed our phones on the table and I noticed mine was flashing again. At some point Niall had texted me back. It was surely only hours until he would know the truth, or at least a version of it. I felt a pang of guilt surge through me, also regret at not knowing how my friendship could have evolved with Niall without all the Harry stuff involved.

 “Will you be in London anytime? Rehearsals start up for our next tour this week, and it would be cool if you came to hang with us.” He had texted.

 That would be the last text that he would send before finding out that Harry and I were both liars. We hadn’t lied to his face, but we had been lying by omission, and that was just as bad.

 I sent him a smiley face, but inside I was crying over this whole ordeal.

 I thought that I was ready for all of this, but I was scared. Harry could end all of this right now. He could leave Cheshire, leave me behind and run off with whoever was convenient, and no one would ever pay attention to me again. I was terrified that this would be too much for him, and that he would think he was still protecting me.

 “Take me with you.” I said out loud finally, after staring at my phone forever.

 He looked up at me confused.

 “To London. Let’s just move everything. We can take the cats; we can start over in London. I can be a part of your world, at least for a little while before you go on tour. We can be together at least while rehearsals are-“

“Yes, I would love that!” he grinned.  I hadn’t expected that. I thought I would have to push, but I was thankful. We leaned across the table to each other and he kissed the tip of my nose. “That is exactly what I want. I am ready.” He said softly.

 His security guy Marcel appeared in the doorway then, wearing a neon security vest and ushered us out the backdoor and into a car that took us back home. Our home, at least for a little while longer.

 We ordered in sushi instead, and watched Grease on repeat for several hours until the sun was gone from the sky. And for the first time in forever, I didn’t even touch my laptop.