I'm Obsessed With You

One

➵

There's a unique kind of loneliness that only a select group of people can even begin to understand. A feeling that makes your heart feel numb, empty but at the same time makes it hurt so badly you feel it might actually burst. A feeling that vanishes, then hits you all at once. Despite the lengths he went through to suppress these feelings, Julian Edelman didn't make it a day without struggling with this pain. It was a loneliness that came from wanting someone so badly, but knowing there would never be a day they'd be all yours no matter how hard you tried.

He was used to getting over whatever his heart felt and instead getting his head in the game. He loved football, and anyone who spent a minute with him couldn't argue that his passion for the game ran unbelievably deep. He was one of the most charismatic athletes to hit the field, treating the game, his teammates and the fans with the same energy, an intensity that would continue to go unmatched. No one else could quite compare to the way he got worked up. It was a needed spirit on the New England Patriots team, he was important to the dynamic of the squad and maybe it was his personality that was more of value than his athleticism.

Like anyone else, there were days you'd catch Julian off his game. This was one of them. The practice had felt longer than any other to him, like they'd running the same drill for hours and he had yet to complete a good a rep of it. He could have sworn they'd been there since the sun was just beginning to rise, and with his knowledge of the rotation of the Earth, it was nearly noon. Since when did they have practices so focused on the rotation of players catching the ball anyways? This was a warm up drill, not a beat down and make you swallow it Bill Belichick essential.

After the ball slipped through the smallest receiver hands yet again. Julian kicked the turf, not doing much to help his cause. He was always so determined to get it right, especially when he was getting it wrong. Really though, any six year old kid playing flag football could have caught these passes with their eyes closed. It was embarrassing. Plus, with Edelman's charisma level so low, the rest of the team carried the same frustration. Even with the team leader, their quarterback calm and on his game as always, there was a noticeable shift in the vibe of the practice.

"Jules!" Tom Brady raised his arm, gesturing for his receiver to join him away from the drill and the rest of the offence. His arm wrapped around the shoulder pads of his teammate once Julian was in reach, "what's going on with you, man?"

"I don't know, Tom. Ever heard of a bad day?" The bite in Julian's voice wasn't unfamiliar to Tom, but never had it been directed at him. He was used to the smaller man listening to his words calmly, no matter how worked up he was. He wasn't sure what to think of Julian's attitude, but was relieved to see that the coaches had moved on to something else. The drill was tedious after the first five minutes, especially for him.

He stopped the walk, stepped in front of Julian and gave a small smile. "I get it, I'm always here for you, alright?"

The response was a simple nod.

"Let's go, I wanna see the Julian Edelman that makes catches that don't make sense."

They ended the quick break with a head butt, Tom let Julian run back to the group first. He followed suit, his eyes off the man but his mind not. He hated seeing him in a bad mood, it was so rare that it made a significant impact when it happened. One would think it was a full moon or something. Regardless of what triggered the poor emotional state, Tom always felt responsible. There was no real reason for it but when things were bad with Julian, it was uncomfortable for Tom to deal with. They had a weird connection, Tom saw it as a quarterback receiver bond that he hadn't shared with anyone, not even Randy Moss, Wes Welker or another former teammate. They were closer in every way. Maybe it came from Julian's immediate, undying need to please Tom the minute they met. He was hard to shake.