"Fix Me"

I wont hurt you again.

Chapter 13.

ZAP 1..2...3

ZAP 1.. 2... 3

"We're loosing her nurse! Again!"

ZAP. 1..2...3

I awoke and inhaled sharply my chest tight and I can't see anything clearly, moving wildly around me are blobs. Colorful shouting blobs.

"I need and IV strip in her arm! Two CC's of Morphine Now!"

I felt the needle enter my arm and winced in pain yet i could not move. In a poor attempt i tried to sit up and pull at the tube that was connected to the IV in my arm out but was forcefully pushed back down. I groaned and sqirmed but it was no use because i had no control over my body at the moment. Where am I?.. Something was put on my face covering my mouth and nose. Breathing became easier but each breath was still a struggle.

"Her wrists, Stop the bleeding!".

My mind was a fog and my body was being poked and proded all over. Hospital. Im in a fucking.

No.. I don't want to be saved. Panic arose within me and once again i was struggling for breath, I tried hard to breath but my lungs decided to stop doing their job as.. well as lungs.

The mask on my face was quickly removed and instead tubes were inserted into my nostrils taking over my responsibility of breathing completely. The noisy machine beeping in my ears quieted down, and i was happy about that because the sound was making my head hurt excrucatingly.

"Get the defibrillator!" I assume the doctor shouted.

1..2...3. ZAP...

1..2...3 ZAP.

The heart monitor didnt speed up and I could feel myself slipping from consciousness.

"Pump manually the electric shock is to great for her chest."

I was getting tired, really tired.

Behind all the beeping and shouting I could hear quiet, pain filled sobs.

It hurts to think that those sobs are coming from Anne, David or Alana. But it hurts even more to know my real mother isnt standing across the room crying because im hanging on by a thread. No, in my reality my mother is the reason I did this to myself, the reason I want to die.

You don't think as much about how everyone would feel after your gone until it's about to happen.

Cold hands were pressed firmly against my chest. They pumped so hard It felt like my chest was going to concave. They didnt stop either, not even when incoherent groans and pleas escaped my lips. Only did they stop when the annoying monitor sped back up, beating awfully loud again. Only when i was stable.

"Another IV with Oxycodone. Her heart rate is stable lets keep it that way. She needs rest and change those bandages."

The doctor continued to shout out his orders and i was in to much pain to try anymore. I allowed the darkness, the stillness to take over as i drifted off to sleep. Theres no escaping my tourturious life.

..

..

I woke up a later feeling absolutely awful. I have a horrible taste in my mouth, my head is killing me and my throat is so dry. Looking around the room, it took my eyes a few moments to adjust before I could see clearer. Fast asleep curled up in an uncomfortable looking position in an uncomfortable looking chair was Anne.