Begin Again - A KaRa (Mika Reyes & Ara Galang) Fanfiction

Thirty-Two

Ang baho ko na. Monday na ngayon at hindi pa rin ako nakapagpapalit ng damit or nakakakain.

Ngayon, I'm in my sofa, eating what's rest of the ferrero chocolates that Jerome gave me. I held his note in my hand. Naalala ko si Jerome... naalala ko kung gaano siya nasaktan. Ngayon naiintindihan ko na kung gaano kasakit.

Kung ganito lang din pala 'yung maabot ko kay Ara, sana pala si Jerome na lang pinili ko. At least alam kong hindi niya ako masasaktan.

Pero si Ara talaga e. Siya talaga. And I hate myself for it.

I'm watching Me Before You and I thought it would make me feel somehow better, but all it's done is make things worse. Naalala ko si Ara. Naalala ko nung kasama ko siya sa bahay niya. 'Yung maasim na adobo niya at 'yung red valerian flowers niya at 'yung halik namin. It's all coming back to me and it's crushing.

Dumating na sa scene kung saan magkasama na si Will at Louisa. Ayan na, sasabihin na ni Will 'yung favorite line ko...

Pero in-off ko na. Hindi ko na kinaya.

I grabbed my phone and decided to skype Cienne. I realized na hindi ko pa nasasabi sa kanya 'yung mga nangyari... from Ara and I confessing our feelings for each other to Ara actually leaving me.

"Mikanggggg! MISS YOU!" Cienne screamed through the screen. I missed her loud screams so much. Camille appeared on the other side.

"HI MIKA!"

"Cams!" I tried to fake a smile. "Musta na? Okay na kayo?"

"Oo, ano ka ba! Maarte lang 'to si Cienne--"

"WAIT!" Cams was cut off by Cienne. "Kambal, alis ka nga muna," And she pushed Camille out of the view. "Mikang," She said in a serious tone. "Bakit ka umiiyak?"

"Ano?" I touched my face and wiped away the wetness that came from my tears. "Hindi ah."

"Talaga lang?" Pang-asar ni Cienne.

I realized na wala akong laban sa kanya. So, I decided to tell her everything. From when Ara confessed her feelings for me, to when we kissed, to when she asked me to be her date, to when we went to the end-of-summer party, to when we kissed again, to when she told me she loved me and that she would never hurt me, to when she actually hurt me. Cienne had really transparent emotions about all the things I'd said.

"ANO????" She exclaimed pagkatapos ko mag-explain. "Gago naman pala 'tong si Beectonarah eh! Ano, suntukan na lang oh!"

I laughed and shook my head. "Ciennang, ano ba, 'wag. Love ko 'yun."

"ANG CORNY MO!" Cienne put her nandidiri face on. "Okay, pero, seriously na ha, sa tingin mo ba, makakaya niyo 'yung long distance relationship 'pag umalis siya?"

"Hindi... ewan ko... feeling ko hindi... ang hirap nun e."

"Eh kung ganun, sa tingin mo ba may chance kang mapigilan siyang umalis?"

Napaisip ako. "Oo... siguro. She said I was the only reason she'd want to stay."

"Oh, ayun naman pala e!"

"Pero hindi ko alam. Hindi ko kaya. What if hindi ko pala siya ma-convince magstay? Edi masasaktan na naman ako."

Cienne sighed. "Mikang, it's not about making her stay. It's about making her feel alive 'pag kasama ka niya. Make her last few days sa Pinas worth it. Make her remember you 'pag pumunta na siyang Singapore. Make her feel loved. More importantly, make her feel loved by you." Cienne paused. "Bonus na lang 'pag nagstay siya."

"Cienne should I... should I go to her?"

Cienne gave me the widest of smiles, then, carefully, to make sure I got the point, she nodded.