Young Collective - Cole Sprouse

Chapter twelve

"That's the unknown girl from the car photo scandal right?" The interview gambles.

"Her name is Elora Dearden. There's nothing unknown about her." He defends me.

"Well I just meant-"

"I know what you meant. She's not famous so she's not worth anyone's attention. Please remember her name next time you write an article about her attempted acting career and list all her potential identifies. I also think that a kiss is hardly a scandal." He sighs. The interview goes quite for a while. Its an awkward silence.

"My apologies Cole. Is it unrequited?" She pressures.

"No it's not- well, I hope it's not. But it's pretty complicated." He smiles. Then his attitude shifts and he says, "alright that's enough let's not talk about love interests for a second please, back to Riverdale?"

"Uh- yes, that sounds like a good idea..." she says as she shuffles through some papers in her hand. She lands her fingers around one particular piece and smiles confidently.

"Riverdale season two. Talk to us about that."

Isa switches the television off. We both sit in silence. I feel, exhausted. I turn over on my side, my back to my friend. I push the pillows under my head and close my eyes, I see his hair and his hands shovelling through it. I open my eyes slowly. Not now. Not ever. I will push him out of my head. I force my eyes closed again and shrivel up my face. Tears start to fall down onto the pillow. I feel sick. I feel sad. I feel numb. I open them again after seeing his eyes staring into mine. Flashbacks. I just lie there. I hear Isa switching off her bedside light. And now the only lights left are the ones outside the apartment window. The other apartments, filled with lonely women and men. Happy couples, old people and young children. Happy dogs and depressed teenagers. A lot of people who would have just watched what I just watched. A lot of people trying to find themselves and a lot of people who have given up. And here I am, stuck in the middle. Between happy and longing, between overwhelmed and numb. Between in love and complete loneliness.

When I close my eyes for the third time I don't see him.

———

I am awoken to my phone vibrating and the bright sun beating down into the room. I am in the same position I fell asleep in. I look down at my phone through squinting eyelids. I can't make out the name but I don't want to talk to anyone. I turn over. The bed is empty. I turn my head back to the phone and pick it up quickly. It's her.

"Isa."

"Morning sunshine." Her voice sounds like maple syrup. I can hear cars and people talking, the busy streets of New York.

"Where are you?" I ask groggily.

"I decided to leave you the apartment for the day, just to have som time for yourself. I think you should call him El." She says in a smaller voice. I take a deep breath. I turn over and stretch.

"I'll see you later?" I ignore her statement.

"Call me if you want to get dinner or come over or anything okay? I love you."

"I love you too." I hang up.

I lie there. In the beautiful warm apartment. I stretch out on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I replay the interview in my head, over and over and over. I sit up suddenly after a few minutes and take a breath. I throw the sheets off me stand up to stretch more. I walk around the bed. I stand in front of the wall mirror. My hair is a mess. My body looks twiggier than usual. I dream for curves. I don't look happy. I don't look bad. I laugh sarcastically at myself. I walk over to the kettle on the bench and check there is water in it. There is. I put it on. I go and sit on the edge of the bed. I watch the kettle. I think, suddenly, of the little old lady with the love letter on the plane. Ducks fly together. Cole said it once. I like that saying.

My phone vibrates again.

I turn around and commando crawl cross the bed to retrieve it.

Cole Sprouse:
There's a little cafe two blocks down from my place in Williamsburg. I'll be waiting there at 12 if you want to talk. I'm flying back out tonight.

I close my phone and place it on the bed. I'm tired. Cole must have flown back in between filming. If I go, it's because I love him. And if I don't it's because I can't love him. That's what he wants to know. I would do the same thing. Once last chance. It's bullshit. The kettle boils loudly behind me and I quickly jump out of the bed and turn the kettle off. I don't feel like a cup of tea anymore. I look at the clock on the bench. 10:47am. I don't think about it I just get up and start getting dressed. I want to see him, even if it's just to tell him I'm angry at him.