I Hate Middle School

I Told Her

Hot tears streamed down my cheeks as I said, "School."

My mom replied with, "Friends?" I nodded.

"Caroline?" she asked me. In between sniffs and gasps, I choked out, "Not just her..."

Surprise in her face, she asked, "Who?"

"Can we talk later?" I asked. I wasn't ready. Hmm not yet...

"Yeah... but who?" Ugh she's so persistent.

"Alex."

"Alex...?"

"Arndt."

My mom looked into my eyes. Her eyes shifted from side to side, looking at both of mine. She spoke up, "Did she say something to you?" I shook my head. "Did she do something?"

"Kinda..." I sniffed. "Can we please talk later?" She finally nodded and got out of her chair. My mom was coming to ask me what I wanted for dinner, and she noticed me crying. It took me a while to actually answer her first question, 'What's wrong?' because I couldn't really speak. For some reason, I wasn't able to tell her, so I just kept moaning until I finally said my first answer, 'School'.

You know, there's this guy. I really want to hug him and play with his hair without it being awkward. But I don't want to date him. I'm not ready for that... But I know it will never happen. Although we are at the same "popularity level", if you will. At the bottom. But this has no significance. I just want it to happen.

Later, after I ate dinner, my mom came back in to talk to me. I will not bore you with the huge speech-like thing she told me, but I did tear up a couple of times.

She told me about how seventh grade is a tough year. She also said that lots of friends start to like other things, but it doesn't mean you should de-attach completely. I consulted so many people on what I should do about Caroline, and they've all told me that we should just stop being friends. Listen, I'm not ready for that. We have grown apart, but not completely. Ally, we may not have very much in common, but I'm still here. I'm waiting here for you to realize that it doesn't matter if we have nothing in common. We can still be friends, I hope. We've been friends since first grade, so are you going to let that slip away?

Lizzy-chan, I just want you to know that you are one of the best friends, even though we've known each other for a short time. You're so comforting. I feel like I can trust you with anything. I want you to know that whenever I look sad, you can do whatever you want to cheer me up. I know it seems like I'm not telling you much, but honestly, it's not that. If you want to know anything, come tell me. I still remember the time at the beginning of the year when you called me pretty. That was the first time in a long time that someone told me that.

I cried so much in the past year, but am I selfish if I ask for someone to pull me out of this dark hole that I can't find my way out of?