I swear | bsd | Soukoku ✔

9

Trigger topic: Self-harm

Silence filled the room for hours, with not even the sound of the busy nightlife of Yokohama being used as a distraction. Instead, he sat and focusing on the white walls of the apartment that needed repainting. Dazai felt deaf due to how quiet it was; it just didn't feel right.The silence was the terrifying part. Like before a bomb was in its last seconds before detonating. The bandaged freak rather have the pain of a hateful Hatrack rather than enduring deafening silence. 

Toxicity of the unknown dowsed his mind; trickling into every nook and cranny that was carved from the latest task of forcibly shutting someone up without hurting them. A gaping void demanded sounds, words, anything that would stop or at least slow down permanent deafness from happening. Everything felt forced like he had caused physical harm upon Chuuya but that wasn't the case. 

Constricting him away from possible risks that could cause danger only to himself and to everyone else if out of control. Locking him up in the bedroom was for rehabilitating his emotional well-being only with no ill intentions involved. All he wanted was a declaration of love but nothing was ever enough for the Hatrack. His feelings of love felt like karma had kicked his ass once more; inducing the cruelty of unrequited love upon him. 

Anaesthetizing him of false hope and the harsh reality of loving someone who doesn't feel the same. Without leaving any hints of what was going to happen next after asking the question " Do you love me". Delusions of what he thought love was, scammed him with feigning feelings and the infamous movie scene of a heartbeat of when you love someone. But this love was none of that.

Ears were raised at the slightest sound but most of the time from the air conditing.Unease blossomed from within as hands trembled with dread of what horror had been unleashed from the abundance of quietness in the bedroom.Had the question of love perhaps fell upon the former mafioso or was it something more sinister tearing chunks out of him. 

The brunet's heart rate started to increase as the unimaginable suicide of Nakahara Chuuya sparked uneasiness in his nerves. Many attempts were performed on the suicidal freak; working its way to trigger a panic attack.

"You can't turn back time if something has happened, you should know that Dazai". 

The sound of a clock ticked while taking on the role countdown.With each tick could be a second lost but in the meantime adding doses of guilt to hurry up a decision. Avoiding unwanted thoughts was not an action anymore. They doubled with Dazai's photographic memories and released exclusive images of different ways of death. Mainly involving his favourite method, death by suicide.

Still no sounds. Vocals were strained in an attempt of trying to call out to the hatrack but refusing his plea. Adrenaline levels rise, as he started to realise that the bedroom wasn't safe. It was far from safe. Scissors in the drawer, razors in the bathroom, bed sheet used for something other than sleeping. 

A lot of harm could be had in that room from past experiences.The bandaged freak knew many ways to hurt yourself, many of those ways available instantly to Chuuya. All methods that could be done effortlessly and without thinking until you actually hanging, seconds from death, you start to feel regret. But this was all down to whether Mackeral would be stopped it in time. A knock was inflicted upon the wooden door. 

Knock Knock Knock. No answer.

" Chibi, please answer me, I want to know that you are okay". 

Silence was used as an answer. Sweat drenched as thoughts of finding him dead and cradling his lover's  lifeless frame that was both batted and bruised emotional, physically and mentally. Combining to make the biggest mistake the brunet had made.