human //Phan

4.6- Phil's Writing

'I'm a nobody.
In this world of somebodies.
I look around myself and see everyone has their life planned out,
They have straight A's
They're the perfect child
They have someone who loves and cares about them...
They're extraordinary...
Me?
I'm just an average person.
But
I'm not the average girl everyone sees
I'm
trapped in this body.
This cage.
It's been keeping me captive for years.
This cage has a hourglass shape, two thin legs, two breasts that just are annoying and a nuisance that comes every month for a week, causing me pain and dysphoria.
I'm a boy.
Trapped in a girl's body.
I cut my hair to prove the society that we live in wrong, making it short and enough for me to be okay.
I wrap ace bandages around my chest to try and stop them from growing and because I can't afford to buy a real binder... this brings me pain too..
I have a mum who would send me away to a mental institution to get me 'fixed', because she can't accept the fact I'm not the daughter she wanted.
I have a dad who left with some other woman. Who sends us Christmas cards with his new family, looking happier than he ever looked with us.
I was told I couldn't be a boy, but that's what you get when your mom thinks more about God than thinking her son's feelings.
My life is like a rollercoaster.
Except I've had more downs than ups.
I'm the girl who tries so hard to make herself look like something she will never be able to be.
As hard as I try to copy other boys; wearing their clothing, walking the way a guy would walk, trying to act all confident.
The girl in me will always be there, fighting her way out.
Mocking me.
Watching my every move.
Judging me.
As much as I should be the perfect daughter who wears dresses and makeup and has a boyfriend, I'm not.
I'm the son who will wear makeup and a skirt because gender roles don't exist. The son who likes other boys.
The son who wants to be comfortable.'

I'm a shitty writer :P