Her Racing Heart (Part 1)

2.

"I fear you, your memories"

Meera dropped the newspaper from her hands seeing him, he's the one haunting her mind every day, every minute and every second. She trembled to recall that past that she never wanted to remind.

She doesn't want to see that face, and she doesn't want anything that reminds him so she immediately scrambled the paper and thrown it in the trash can. She came out of her house and went to the terrace to clear her mind. By sitting on the cold floor Meera rested her back on the wall leaving out a sigh.

She was silent for some time a strong cold breeze was hitting her face and her eyes again welled with tears. Why am I like this? Why am I this vulnerable? She asked herself and cried for some time holding her knees then wiping off the tears, feeling the stress that is building inside her. She looked up at the moon and clouds but there are no Stars, she heard the sound of a barking dog at the far end, other than that she was surrounded by the coldness and darkness.

"Meera?" she heard someone voice and lifted her head up to see Shanthi.

"Ah... yeah," Meera cleared her throat and Shanthi sat beside her.

"Why is there any problem?" she asked her in a concerned tone.

"No it's not like that," Meera refused and Shanthi can clearly identify that Meera cried because of her voice and also she caught Meera a couple of times while sitting here and crying.

"Again you're doing the same, crying will never end anything Meera," Shanthi told patting her shoulder. Meera was silent and she knows what she was saying is true, but what else she can do? She is so helpless in controlling her emotions and this her weakness.

"Are you crying thinking about your mom?" she asked her.

Meera nodded as yes. She told about her mom and her death when she caught Meera crying for the first time, but the other part of the truth... she doesn't want to talk about that to anyone, only Meera and that person knows that sinful past.

"Meera I know what you're feeling, even I cried a lot when Renu's father died. But think like this way if we keep on crying will them going to come again, No! Even I had a companion but for you, there's no one you have to be strong Meera. I don't know how you're thinking about me but I am seeing you as my elder daughter. We are with you so don't push yourself into misery and try to be happy and forget about everything," she comforted Meera with her warm words.

Her words made Meera cry again, and she felt happy at the same time that still there's someone who cares for her and gives some hopes for the tomorrow. Shanthi patted her shoulders and asked Meera to stop crying.

Then she eventually stopped. They sat there for some time talking about the things in their work and Meera forget about everything after their talk. They decided to leave, Meera went into her house and locked the door behind.

I don't think I will sleep without having you, she thought and took her medicine bottle and sat on her bed, looking at the side of a trash can. The first thing that I need to do tomorrow is to throw that away since I can do only that, how peaceful it would be if I can able to throw the memories as in the same way. Meera laid thinking this and suddenly she heard a thunderstorm, then in a few minutes, it started to rain. She went near the window and saw the pouring rain.

Meera hates rain because on one Rainy day she lost everything. Every time it reminds those things, she hates the monsoon. But sometimes she will think even the sky has an unbearable pain like so that it cries at times without holding it back.

Why I am reminding him on every single moment, is that because I am... missing... him? she asked that question which she never wanted to ask herself because it felt she is betraying her conscience, she is afraid to know the fact that person is still in her heart and will remain in there for a lifetime, Meera thought while watching the rain.