Until I Met The World

Chapter 19

My breathing is getting heavier and heavier and I intend to ball my fists into Sebastian's shirt but where there would be a shirt is bare skin. My mind and thoughts are so foggy, I forgot he took his shirt off before things got so intense.

His lips on mine, mine on his. The familiar touch of his fingers reach my thighs and he lifts my dress up. I find myself letting my arms lift above my head and I push my back up so he can slide the dress off. And following his movements, I unbutton his jeans and pull them down past his butt never letting our lips release.

He kisses me on my nose then my forehead then my cheek before he pulls himself off of me to drag his pants off. Sebastian's belly looks so fit, toned, not too muscly and progressively tanner the longer we are outside. I'm obviously gawking at him and I make no attempt to look away. Soon catching on, he smiles his legendary shy smile and climbs back on the bed and I'm rewarded with a soft kiss on the lips.

In a way this feels right but I can't help be worried what would happen if it's not. What would happen if I gave all of me to him and it's not enough.

When I look at him I see no regret, no questioning to us right here, how we are. Does it make me a bad person for questioning this, for questioning us because the thought of it ending is too much to bare to just enjoy us in this moment? I don't want to question anything like how Sebastian's eyes show he doesn't.

The intensity of two minutes ago has settled and I watch as the muscles in his arms loosen, his facial features change to confusion now.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks so low, I can barely make out the words. And I have to think about how I should answer him before I let the words come out. I couldn't possibly tell him the full truth.

Instead, I run my fingers through his hair above me and give him only a sliver of my thoughts. "I just don't want to ruin anything for us. I don't want to lose you, bash." I'm so pathetic. Depending my happiness on a guy has never been my way to go, in fact for a long time, I decided I was going to end up alone. That way, there would be no goodbyes because there was never a hello. Being alone my whole life sounded more appealing than losing someone I had once loved.

But he's different, so different and I need to just allow myself the happiness he gives me.

He is looking at me softly in the eyes and I do my best not to look away. Even when his features are smooth, there is always a sort of intensity behind them.

"Emilee.. There is no way in hell I'm giving you up. I'm trying hard not to be mushy but if that's what it takes to get it through your beautiful head, then I will," Soft lips press on my forehead before he continues. "I love you. I love you so much," another kiss to my cheek this time. "And I want only you, more than anything. No matter what happens between us, through whatever, it's us. Together. And you can count on that."

He says it like his words don't have as much power as it really does. Saying that we will be together through whatever is like saying there is a zero percent chance of getting cancer when everyone in your family tree has it, you're that one branch that doesn't. Yet. Depressing comparison, I know. But there are so many factors. Of course, id love everything to always be gumdrops and lollipops so I smile and pull him down low enough to kiss me.

I regret nothing when his lips are on mine so I let them stay there as long as possible. My lips moving along with his, my hands find there way around his back, his neck, his chest. Just to remind myself he is there. Soon, he relaxes his body just enough to settle his bare belly on mine and cupping my face with his.

"You know I don't ever plan on hurting you, right?" He asks me, his forehead on mine, his eyes closed like he is frustrated.

"Yes." I breathe. Because I know he doesn't plan on it but will he, is a question I can't seem push away.