With or without you

Chapt 1.

My name is Esther, but you can call me Flat-chest as that's how everyone calls me at school. No explanation is needed, I guess. My parents had me when they were quite old, which leads to think that I was an accident. Not that I care, you know..  I can't wear shorts, short skirts, and make-up is prohibited. I always wear pants or long skirts and I've to look at my pale and tasteless face every time I come across a mirror or a window.

I hate school, for some obvious reasons. I hate guys, because they prefer popular girls with big boobs. I've never been popular and I probably never will, I don't have what it takes. I'm not like these girls, all stupid, full of themselves and only thinking about boys. I could never be like them, I could never play a role to fit in the society. I particularly hate one of them, Emma is her name. Tall, long blond hair, short skirt and heels, and her eyes painted in black. “Only whores dress like that” would say my dad. All the boys are after her, and as you might imagined I never had a boyfriend. My parents would never allow it.

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When I came home from school, I knew something was wrong by the look on my dad's face. My immediate thought was “what did I do again?” but I quickly understood that it wasn't my fault. I could hear him talking to my mom “Do we really need that in our town? Rock concert, and then what?  They're Irish, we all better hide our daughters. I've heard things about these people”. So there was a rock concert in our town? We rarely have concerts here, you know. Almost only classic music, I hate it. I dared to enter to the kitchen and sat in front of my dad. He threw the newspaper in front of him and went to the living room. I quickly looked at the first page where we could read “U2 rock concert for the first time in town, learn to know the Irish band”. There was no picture of them, but I wanted to know more. At the moment where I tried to pick the paper my dad stopped my hand. “You're interested maybe?!” I knew that I shouldn't answer.

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Next day I woke up late and I could hear my dad saying that they should take my phone when I'm going to sleep, to prevent me from staying awake late. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and decided that I had enough of being tasteless. I looked into my mom make up and found a pink powder to put on my cheeks and just a bit of mascara on my eyes. I checked my reflection again and smiled. It was barely seeable, he wouldn't notice. I entered the kitchen and sat in front of him and ate my cereals in silence. “What's on your face?” he said, and I slowly lifted my head. “Nothing” I muttered. I felt his hand on my collar and he pushed me to the stairs while yelling in my ears that I wouldn't leave the house looking like a tart. I went upstairs crying, took off the make up and finally left for school. Everyday it's the same thing, I sit in the bus alone, until Emma and her group of bitches arrive and find something to make fun of. The I sit alone in class, eat alone at lunch time, and come home alone. I wouldn't say that people are mean to me, they just don't seem to see that I'm there… When I got home, I went to my bedroom in silence. I layed on my bed and immediately felt the gaze of the dozens of drawings hanging on the walls. That is the only moment where I feel seen.

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Week-end, I waited for this all the week. I can go out during week-ends, but with restrictions of course. Can't go to far from my house, only go to town and be back before dinner. I looked at myself in the mirror before leaving, long black skirt, flat shoes and a purple shirt. Perfect, looking fade as always. Surely no one would pay attention to me in town. I took my purse and left the house, then took the road for the town. I was looking at my feet, just like I always do, that's how I avoid troubles.

I was walking down the road when I heard people coming my way, I could hear them talking and their accent was a bit strange. I lifted my head and that's when I saw them. Four boys, and I could tell they weren't from here just by their clothes. One of them was wearing glasses and had really short hair. The second one was a cute blond boy, wearing a jeans jacket under a leather one, what a weird fashion. Next to him was guy with a long coat and his hair tied into a ponytail. Then there was HIM, long black hair floating in the air, an opened shirt showing a bunch of black hair on his chest and then his eyes, as blue as the sea. My sight got hooked on him. And suddenly his blue eyes met mines, I felt like he was reading my soul. And then he winked at me and my heart skipped a beat. They continued to walk and I had to stop and turn around to look at their back. I didn't knew who they were, or who he was, but something that I was well aware of was the heat between my legs.