We are humans

Chapter six

Chapter 6.

Maddie    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

I watched the Titanic last night

A boat, a ship. Thousands of people aboard, from first to third class. You've seen the movie, right? It was the first time I watched it, and I know I should've watched it so much earlier because now I'm addicted. The story is lovely, but also ironic- almost iconic. Jack Dawson, a poor (but good- looking) guy wins tickets to go aboard. He never expected this, he never could've dreamed of it. But who would know that this would be the last trip he ever made?

It's actually quite funny how they try to make one of the biggest disasters in our history a love story between a poor guy and a rich girl. I mean, I don't think that the movie would've been such a success if it wasn't about the love between Jack and Rose.

People are hypocrites, and I wouldn't care less if a large 'unsinkable' ship would've sunk in 1912 on it's third night with thousands of people aboard. Without the movie, I wouldn't even know, but because of it- I do.

But okay, I have to admit that the movie is actually pretty good. I've only seen it once by now, but I know exactly how Rose felt. And that's why I'm so in love with this movie I guess. It's not because of the romantic scenes between Leonardo Di Caprio while he was oh-so-hot and Kate Winslet, but it was because of the things Rose said here and there.

But you know what's iconic? The poor guy died, the rich girl survived. How you turn the story, how you try to watch it. It is what it is. You could already see that the movie would have a bad ending, because be honest; what movie would let the poor win instead of the rich?

But I know that it's not like that in life. The rich girl was depressed. She needed to marry the man she didn't love. The rich girl committed suicide, but she got pulled back. There was someone who cared... Why does this sound like a fairytale? 

That's the difference between fiction and reality.

I know for sure that nobody cares about me- or how I feel. I've been sitting on my bed all day, looking outside of my window. I see how people from my age walk down the streets and talk and laugh and have so much fun. But I'm just sitting here, without any friends. Even my little sister thinks I'm a freak. I don't even know if she loves me, I don't even know if I love me.

I feel like I'm standing in a crowded room, screaming for attention; But nobody looks up. Ha, did you get it? I've learned that from Rose Dewitt Buckater.

But that's not all.

I'm the one holding my breath. I'm the one who's not there on any party. I'm the one who never goes outside because she doesn't have any friends. I'm the one who's sitting alone in her bedroom all the time. I'm the one who has no idea what to do with her life because living just isn't made for me. 

If life were a gift, then why do I want to give it away? If life were a gift, then why do I want it to end so badly because I have nowhere to go, because I have no idea how to live a life? Am I so dumb, or am I just a melancholic selfish bitch with too much self-pity to be good for a person?

I have no idea what's going on, and what I need to do to stop it. The only thing I know is that committing suicide is for the weak, because when it doesn't succeed, and you're still alive; you'll be more dead then you ever even were. And I'm too scared for that. So I guess that I need to just stay here, in my bed. While looking at the clock while the objective- subjective time passes by, and while I will watch the Titanic for the second, then third, then fourth or maybe even fifth time. 

And maybe then I will finally understand why love killed the head character of the movie. Then maybe I will understand how Rose came through the depression. And maybe I will understand why she let the love of her life freeze to death.

Because there was place for two.

But I guess that when it comes to life an death, that love can't win, and you're doing what's best for you.

Maybe I need to do that as well.

END OF CHAPTER

I'm sorry it took so long to update, but I haven't been on in forever. I re-read this story and decided to go on publishing the chapters because this story is actually my favourite one ever written because it has a lot of lessons in it and it's quite deep sometimes.