Rules for Orion

chapter twenty-two

Twenty-two: Avery
October 1, 12:10 AM. Dwyer, VA.

I am mid-exploration when Logan texts me.
Kyara used to handle this, all the dirty work out in the real world. Midnight America is dark and dangerous for a Half Breed Like Me. I am to sit back and think. Record everything we have done. Sit still, keep quiet, show the scouts I am here, working, and deployable.
I am awful at that, too, but at least it will not kill me.
Now she is gone; I am standing alone in a forest.
I am quite sure I despise myself.
I almost constantly think about what it would be like to just disappear. Fully assimilate. Slide into a backstory that I would keep forever. I would tell Logan everything, explain away my oddities with delusions! Paranoia! Trauma, trauma, trauma.
We would never speak of it again.
It annoys him. I can tell. Gods-curse, even if I couldn't by now, he just texted me and asked if I would come over specifically to talk to him. One cannot become more confrontational than that.
I am better now.
I would have to take some time. To get better. Think up a new life.
Please stay.
I have no idea if the proximity to the manuscript is causing me to feel awry. Kyara has combed almost the entire town; not a single downbeat of energy. Until tonight.
Then again, I could be having a breakdown.
What is anything supposed to feel like?
This would be so much easier with Kyara.
I am sorry I did not tell you anything.
I want to go home.
I could not help it.
I hate my home. Isn't that why I left?
I am better now.
I text back Logan. As collected as possible. Of course I will talk to him.
Please stay.
I have to come up with a lie.