Ferris Bueller Shorts

When Ferris Met Sloane

It was day one of seventh grade theatre club and drama production, and Ferris Bueller, the extraordinarily talented and suave, was nervous.

He wouldn't have been nervous under normal circumstances. No one new ever joined theatre club. No one. Or at least, not until her.

She was beautiful. Her long, brown hair shone under the harsh auditorium lighting. Her gaudy eyeshadow made Ferris's face hot. Her mid-calf length legwarmer socks were enough to drive him wild.

He had to say something.

He sauntered up to her, cool as a cucumber, and opened his mouth to speak.

"Hi! Theater club to welcome!" He stated before he realized that everything he'd said had been out of order. His eyes widened and his face flushed with embarrassment. He was pulling a Cameron! He couldn't Cameron his shot with a girl!

"Welcome to theater club," he mumbled, correcting himself.

"Hi! Thanks!" She smiled, adding a small giggle to her response. "I'm Sloane." She extended her hand.

Ferris discreetly wiped his now-sweaty palm on his pants before returning the handshake. "Bueller. Ferris Bueller." Yes, he mentally congratulated himself. Way to be suave. You still got it, Bueller.

"Peterson, Sloane!" Called one of the directors. "Auditions!"

"Oh, I guess that's me. I'll see you around," Sloane smiled back, gathering up some of her belongings as she waved to Ferris.

"Yeah, yeah, I guess I'll be seeing you," he replied, lifting a hand in response.

She was beautiful and perfect in every way. Ferris had to tell Cameron.

He knew he wouldn't be onstage for at least twenty minutes. He'd already aced his audition in the first five seconds. His name, alphabetically speaking, had been called first, so he didn't have a choice. He was trying out for a lead role in Grease. He was hoping to be Danny, or at the very least, Kenickie. Regardless, he was free. He was going to call Cameron.

"Hey, man," Ferris said, turning to one of his acquaintances who was standing around waiting for an audition. "If she asks, I'm in the bathroom," he said, gesturing to the director. The boy gave him a thumbs up. Ferris was free.

He raced through the auditorium doors, down the perfectly waxed hallways as he looked for the nearest payphone.

He found one, just outside of the cafeteria, and dug through his pockets for a couple of quarters, praying to god Cameron picked up. Not only did he desperately want to tell him about Sloane, but he wanted to make good use of his quarters. If Cameron didn't answer, he was going to make him pay back the quarters Ferris had wasted on him. Thankfully, though, on the last dial-up tone, a tired voice came through.

"Hello? This is Cameron."

"Cameron! It's me, Ferris! Listen, I gotta tell you something that'll blow your socks off," Ferris began, leaning against the wall with the phone to his ear.

"That seems unlikely. Nothing from you fazes me anymore, Ferris," Cameron stated dryly.

"Are you sitting down? You might wanna be sitting down for this incredible piece of news I am about to bestow upon you," Ferris hyped.

"Just goddamn tell me already," Cameron complained.

"Alright, alright. Yeeeesh. You're insufferable, you know that?"

A grumble came from the other end.

"Right! Okay, so here it is: I met this girl, and-"

"Oh, wow, a girl. Big whoop," Cameron mocked. "You know lots of girls. Why was that supposed to shock me?"

"If you'd let me finish, and stop interrupting, I have to get back to theatre club soon, for your information. Anyways, her name is Sloane Peterson. She's got this long brown hair, and this smile, oh Cameron, she's so perfect. She's so nice, and I pulled a 'you' and tripped over my words. She laughed! She thought it was all fun and games and didn't think I was weird!" Ferris gushed.

"Good for you man," Cameron said, pausing to sneeze. "So you just wanted to rub your love in my face? That's all you called me for?"

"I'm not rubbing my love in your face. I'm sharing my experiences. That's what friends do, Cam," Ferris said, rolling his eyes, grateful that Cameron couldn't tell.

"Well, if you want my advice-," Cameron started.

"I didn't ask, but-,"

"Let me finish. Just be careful man. We're not even in high school yet. This is junior high. Don't ruin your chances," Cameron stated. Ferris smiled.

"Thanks, Cameron."

"Sure. I just don't want to see you heartbroken, eating ice cream out of a quart at three a.m. I just want you to live your life and not worry about girls and stuff. You know?"

"Yeah. I know."

Just then, the boy who Ferris had entrusted to lie for him ran into the hallway. "Hey, Ferris! Director says she needs you. Hurry up!" He said urgently, turning around to go back from whence he came.

"Hey Cam?"

"Yeah?"

"I gotta go. Thanks for listening. And the advice. I appreciate it."

"Sure. See you tomorrow," Cameron said.

"Seeya." With that, Ferris hung up the payphone and walked back towards the auditorium, a small smile on his face. He had it bad for Sloane. But he was going to take it slow.