Because of You

Prologue

 

The bright street light illumined my dark room and made the walls look like it was painted gold. I get off the ground and grab the nearest piece of cloth and hold it against my wrist to prevent my blood from staining the egg-shell colored carpet I had been sitting on. My actions were a little too slow, a few drops flow through the rag and fall onto the carpet.

‘Great, now I have the honor of scrubbing the crap outta that thing until the stain comes off.’ I think to myself.

I walk into the bathroom and wash and band aid the cut, while doing so I take a look at the mirror. On the other side stood a skinny girl with a week body and a thin and timid face. My once beautiful brown eyes now looked dull and gloomy. My lips looked dreadful because of my habit of biting them and my nails when I get frightened or nervous. In other words, I looked like a complete mess.

They say, ‘People change,’ but this much? And all it took was six months?

After I did my level best in scrubbing that stubborn blood stain, I look at my clock, 2 a.m. ‘Now is a good time’ I think and pull the old diary from my book shelf and place it on the table, I get into the chair and take a deep breath before I begin to write in it.

Dear Linda,

If you are wondering about how I’m dealing with the entire situation at home after you left, I’m sad to tell you that, my life sucks.

You probably think I’m a drama queen and that I should be over it since it has been a little more than half-a-year since you left, but the thing is Linda, I miss you.

Or at least I think I do. So sometimes, when I have these sleepless nights all sorts of question arise in my head to which almost all answers lead to you and you abandoning us. Hence, the letter, which you will never lay eyes on, let alone read.

The thing is Linda, I’ve been really depressed lately. With you gone and Dylan turning into a horrible alcoholic, everything just feels really shitty.

I feel like I can’t handle this by myself, all of this, I need someone. And that someone is not Dylan. He is not the same loving big brother who took care of me like his life depended on it. He has actually become a disgrace to his former personality. You probably think I’m exaggerating but you wouldn’t know to judge.

I pity dad, he is probably torn between your leaving, Dylan’s alcoholism and my depression. Of course, being the kind person he is, he tries to put on a brave face and act like none of this is bothering him. But I know he’s hurting, badly, maybe that’s why he swallows himself in so much of work. No, he is not a workaholic; he just has to in order to support three children. He is always there when I need him, unlike you.

Rosy is doing fine, by the way, better than all of us. At first, she used to come into my room asking for you, but she stopped.

Anyways, I should tell you that I’m only doing this because of that shrink of mine thinks I miss you too much and that this would be a way to move on. So here it is Linda, my first letter to you. This will take you a mere minute to read and gag about what pathetical loser I have become, but know this, you did this to us. You ruined this perfect family. It’s all because of you.

Jennifer.

I close the diary and wipe my wet face with the back of my hand and look at the band-aid on my wrist, ‘moving on is going to take a long, long time’ I think to myself.