Devlin's Secret

Tension

Kay did not tell me what had been said between her and Devlin. She had a lot to say about her, but nothing to do with that conversation. 

I kept my mouth shut, still unsure if I'd made the right decision in showing my continued loyalty to Kay. Because that wasn't what I was trying to do.

I'd thought about the repercussions of going home with Devlin. I didn't want her to have to face Kay's inevitable onslaught of subtle abuse, but it had been difficult to communicate that to her with Kay herself becoming visibly angered at my hesitation to choose. 

The correct answer, of course, would have been to go home with Devlin and then apologise for leaving her open to punishment. At the age of fifteen, I didn't think that way. I thought I'd be able to get an opportunity to speak to her and to explain why I'd done what I'd done. But, as always, Kay was one step ahead.

That night, she talked and talked about Devlin. More than she ever had before. It seemed as though they had a large past together, and she actually told me about a lot of happy memories from when they were children. Mostly about playing at Devlin's. 

Halfway through this monologue, and seemingly without thinking, she turned to me and said "It's horrible losing her as a friend. I'd never purposely get you to fall out. I'd never say something about you to her if I thought she'd actually believe it."

And that was where she left the sentence for a few minutes. 

I said, "I don't really want to talk about it any more."

She said, "I bet you kinda regret meeting her. Not in a bad way. Probably in the same way you'd regret being friends with me."

I said, "I really don't regret either of those things."

"Well anyway," she replied casually, pushing herself off the bed. "I'm going in the shower. You can snack on the leftover buffet if you want - I noticed you didn't eat much of it - and will you get my mum to make a cup of tea?"

So I did, and I chatted to her mum while she made the tea. I had always liked Kay's mum, she had made me feel welcome in her home since the first day we met. Whenever I pictured her, I thought of the warm blonde hair she had at the time, just touching her collarbone. I had thought it was her natural colour until one day when she picked me up from school and her jet black roots were growing in. I could tell back then that she was young for the mother of an eight year old. She had looked exactly as her daughter did now. 

Now her hair was greying, cut short at the shoulders with her fringe pinned back. Just an older version of my friend, but with an exhaustion in her eyes that Kay did not have, something that had been there from the start.

"I'm glad you and Kay still get along," she said, passing me two cups of tea. "She hardly has anyone stay over any more."

I smiled. "Better take these up," I said.

The bathroom door was open, letting the steam our into the corridor, and footprints were splashed across the laminate flooring. I used my shoulder to shove the door to Kay's bedroom and looked round just as she dropped her towel.

I gasped, looking away as quickly as I could as I jammed my foot into the carpet in order to stop the door from opening more. Hot tea splashed over one of my hands.

"Sorry, I thought you'd be longer," said Kay. "It's alright, just put the drinks on the dresser. You may as well get changed too if we're not looking at each other."

I nodded, sure that she was pretending not to see heat emanating from my face, and practically dove over to the other side of the room where I'd put the pyjamas she was letting me borrow. Maybe I was too determined not to accidentally glance at her while she was changing. I fixed my eyes on the pattern on her curtains for a little too long, and almost screamed when I realised she was standing right behind me, reaching to help me untwist the strap I was struggling with.

"Never knew you were so scared of me," she said with a grin. Then she took a step backwards, out of my personal space. "Come over here I want to ask you something."

I dubiously followed her to her bed and we sat next to each other with our legs crossed. 

"What?"

She looked straight ahead. "If you had to choose between Devlin or me, who would you pick?"

"I wouldn't want to make that choice." There was a pause. "And I'm not going to."

Another pause. "I didn't mean friendship."

"Then what did you mean?"

She turned towards me suddenly, excitement glistening beneath her lashes. "Have you ever kissed a guy?"

I frowned, knowing that this was not a change of subject, but a deviation from her original aim. "No."

"What about a girl?" Her smile grew wider, showing almost every single one of her teeth.

"No. Where is this going?"

"Shall we kiss? Y'know, for fun, to see what it's like."

"I imagine it's the same as kissing a guy."

"But," she pulled me to face her so that our knees were touching. "You wouldn't know would you? Which is why you should try it. And besides, I saw you saying to Devlin that-"

Leaning forward, I gave her a quick peck on the lips because I didn't want to her acknowledge what I had said to Devlin. I raised my eyebrows. "Good enough?"

"No!" she challenged. "That's how you kiss your siblings."

I sighed. "Fine then." I grabbed her shoulders and kissed her briefly before turning my head away, shocked by the fire that had shot through my body. I flopped backwards onto the bed to appear more casual. 

The smile had dropped from her face, replaced by bewilderment. "What was that?" She pulled me to my knees. I shrugged. She pecked me in return. "Do you fancy me?"

"It was a joke," I replied quickly, but I was fully under her spell. Our mouths were millimeters apart.

She pushed me back and clambered on top of me, grin now returned. "Was it? I bet I can do better than you just did."

"Maybe."

"Shall I try?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

She closed her eyes and leaned down. Her lips were soft, and her skin still warm from the shower. She pulled away just as I was considering if my heart could beat with any more force. 

"Didn't want to take it too far," she smiled. "Since you don't fancy me. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

We got under the duvet, both now making sure to keep to our own space. 

"Andie, do you think I should make friends with her?" she whispered after half an hour or so had passed in silence.

"It wouldn't hurt to try," I said.

In the morning before I left Kay's house, she gave me a long hug, and I closed my eyes against the thought of the new event she had to use against me.