Not Fast Enough // [Phan]

I'm Nothing

My body falls limply on the cold floor of the dark and dreary room. The pain in my head starting to intensify from the harshness of the ground below my sore body.  I stay there frozen as I feel the blood from my face slowly run down to my neck. The red now contrasting with the pigment of my slightly tanned skin. Every part of me is in aching and my eyes soon close as I wish that I could've just been the perfect son that my parents so desperately wanted. None of this would have happened if I could've done that one simple task.

Deep down I know that I deserve every second of everything that's happened to me though.

Fags like me don't deserve to have happy endings like everyone else. I'm just monster in this world of perfect people. I'm inferior and deserve nothing, and every ruthless thing that has ever happened to me is the punishment from God for the sinful creation that is me.

A tear rolls down my face then I feel my skin detach from the harsh and slightly damp floor that I was previously stuck on. My eyes open up and I find that body is now in a standing position as I'm face to face with Blade. His hands feeling as though he's burning my skin with a flame as he keeps as viciously tight grip on my shoulders, and his glare is enough to make a thriving rose wilt within a matter of seconds. 

"Who the hell do you think you are? Some fuckin' super hero that thinks he's going to save the planet?" He asks and weakly shake my throbbing head in response. He then throws me back on the ground as if I was some useless object that's already too broken to not care if you break it more. "Answer my question, boy. Who the actual fuck do you think you are by not firing your gun? 'Cause I can assure you that you're nothing more than just a pawn that's being used." The man snarls out with his voice dripping with venom as I continue to lay on the ground in an ache filled suffering.

"I told you to respond!" His foot kicking my ribs roughly as he speaks his baneful words to me. "I-I'm nothing but a worthless twink, sir. I'm disposable and easy to replace within seconds. I don't deserve to feel love, and I am grateful for everything you have done for me." I say with a raspy voice as tears begin pricking at my eyes from the pain that's now consuming around my ribcage. "That's better you faggot." He says in a tone that makes my stumach churn.

He bends down to be closer to my tormented body and cresses my cheek in a sickeningly sweet way before striking my face with a bitter slap. "Do you think you've learned your lesson for today yet, Bear? Or do you think that we need to spend a bit more time in here together so I can get the message into that tiny incompetent head that you have there?" He asks me, his voice hostile as he speaks. "N-No, sir... I-I've learned my lesson... " I stutter in a hushed tone in response to him. "What was that, you whore? I don't think I heard you clearly enough." He say maliciously, leaning in closer to me in mockery. "I said that I've learned my lesson and there is no more need for more of a beating today, sir." I utter out more clearly than the last time, using all the energy left in me to say it. 

He then stands back up with a vicious smirk on his face that makes my skin crawl. "Okay. I guess we're done for the day then." He says while turning around and walking a few small steps away from me before stopping in his tracks. "Remember to clean up yourself before appearing back in front of everybody again. You look awful and I wouldn't want to bring you back in here later for what a filthy slut you're being for everyone." Blade says before walking away.

I listen to the clanking of his boots against the hard floor that I continue to lay on. It's cold and rough, but I can't move without pain overtaking my whole body. I should just be glad he didn't do anything else to me this time though.

Moments feel like hours while I'm down here, and I don't even try to move a muscle while I feel the tears from my eyes begin to slowly slide down my face. Some make there way down the path to my lips and I can taste the salty bitterness they carry in them.

"Can someone please kill me now..? I'm be- egging world. I don't what to live through this suffering anym-more..." I whisper out meekly in shaky breaths as I bawl out.