When the Potatoes met.

I Fucking Don't Swear.

Chapter 1

"I fucking down swear"

***
G. I. N. I.

My name is Lamagini.
I know what your thinking.

It's some weird next car name because the author was to lazy to come up with a proper one.

But this is a story of me. A potato.
Your thinking:

Why the hell should I read a book about potatoes?

Because bish this is the story of a very amazing potato.

And it'll be your loss if you won't read it.

___

Tuesday 17th July 2017

Dear Bitcherina,

Today I'm going to Italy. To enjoy six weeks of freedom.

Or hell.

Because freedom is withought your whole fucking family. Who are annoying peice of shits that I hate with a passion.

I hate all of them. Because they are people.

And in case you don't know I have a severe dislike toward human beings.

Make that a severe hatred.

To the whole fucking human kind.

That includes you in case your brain cannot understand.

___

2:35

I was fucking tired. And I needed the piss. I needed to piss badly. We were waiting 100 fucking hours in this fucking line.

I looked at Conor who was using Dilan's pushchair as a place to sleep.

"Come to the baafroom with me," I say nudging him.

"I can't be asked, take Lisa," he says lazily.

I groan. Now no ones coming with me so I have to go alone.

You may think it's not a big deal but for me its a matter of life and death.

You see when I was fourteen I went to the Toilets just to use the cool hand dryers and mess around with toilet paper.

That didn't go too well. You see I went into the male toilets and I actually found it hilarious so I thought I would browse around, unfortunately I was chased out by the old man I accidently saw shitting. Oh and it was awkward as he was also my mom's boss.

It was worse when some annoying teenage boys from my shool took a video video and posted it on YouTube.

I was known as a perv for two Years, which was kinda dumb seeing as humans are the lamest things to perv on. So ugly and humanly. I prefer perving on food and potatoes. And food.

OK so let's carry on.

"UGHHH," I said as I walked off grumply trying to hold my piss in.

"DON'T GO TO THE WRONG ONE THIS TIME," My mom shouted while she fed my little sister. Yeah mom. Tell the whole fucking world.

"I'll try," I mumble under my breath.

I very sensibly walk over to the female toilets and very carefully walk over to a toilet which I check to see if it's vacant. It is.

I knock twice.

"Anyone there?" I casually say.

I open the door and there I see something so fucking...