Regal [h.s au]

37. Need

HARRY

One week can do a lot for your pain.

Every day for the past week has been spent in me replaying the dreadful events of the night of the attack, each image and each person I had to kill carved into my memory with no hope of ever being erased. No matter how hard I try, I can't erase the image of my mother's death in front of my eyes. I wish I hadn't seen that, I even wish I was the one to die so I wouldn't have to deal with the sense of loss and all this pain. I'm weak, I always have been.

But I know my death would absolutely shatter my father and Amelia, who have been by my side every single day and every time I needed them. I couldn't have asked for more caring people by my side; they are the only ones that manage to dull the ache in my chest and make me forget about the haunting images, even if it's for a little while. It pains me to know my father is hurting as much as I am yet he never reveals it, he rather focuses on making sure I am all right, but I'm certain he mourns when he's alone between four walls. I lost my mother and he lost the love of his life.

I almost drop on my knees and kiss the solid ground once I step off the ship, my eyes taking in my surroundings. After a week long journey, we have finally reached our first stop, an island kingdom Solis usually trades with, one of our allies. We need to gather as many soldiers as we can and create a big powerful army that shall occupy Solis and help us retrieve my father's throne and our homeland. The mere thought of Edgar ruling it makes my blood boil, my fingers instinctively clenching into tight fists, my fingernails almost tearing the skin of my palms. 

The feeling of craving for revenge is one of the most intense ones I have ever felt and I can sense it consuming me more and more with each day. And it frightens me, I don't want to change, I don't want to become a different person filled with rage and hatred, someone so entirely opposite of what I truly am. What I do want is to become stronger and more fierce, I want to stop letting my innocent belief there is good in everyone blind me.  If I learned anything in the past year is that some people are so cruel that there is no chance for them to ever revert to good again.

A warm hand suddenly encloses over one of my fists, my eyes darting down before gazing at Amelia, seeing a soft supportive smile on her face and a gentle look in her deep brown eyes. "You don't have to do this if you are not ready, your father shall manage without you."

I shake my head determinedly. "No, I must be present as well. I am fine, don't worry." I manage a small smile, but by the concerned look on her face, I know she can tell it's not genuine. I know she only wants me to get better and help me in any way she can, and I wish I could speed up the process, but it's simply not how feelings work.

She removes her hand, probably wanting to give me space, but my own quickly moves and envelopes it, my skin craving her touch and needing the comfort it provides, especially now. I've managed to stay away from people and have been scooped up in one of the ship cabins all week, but it is time for me to start working on assembling an army and be a prince. When she squeezes my hand, a shot of relief courses through me, a silent reassurance she's by my side and I'm not alone in this.

Hand in hand, Amelia and I walk into the crowd of people walking around the port, followed by my father and a handful of our guards that managed to survive and loyally decided to accompany us on our mission. Fortunately for everyone, King Henry's health has improved and he is ready to compromise and make agreements with our allies, his injuries healing well. I wouldn't be able to deal if any complication were to strike, I can't lose my father, not him too.

"Excuse me, miss?" A small voice says and Amelia and I look down, seeing a boy not older than six tugging at her skirt, looking up at us with the biggest blue eyes. "Have you seen my puppy?"