Regal [h.s au]

51. Different people

a/n: I don't usually do this, but if you can read while listening to music, then I recommend Two ghosts since it fits this chapter :)

AMELIA

I watch my sister sway her little girl in her arms, humming a lulliby. I find it surprising she can even stand on her feet considering it's been only two days since she gave birth, but I admire her dedication and love she has for her daughter. The child whines a little and circles her tiny fist around a lock of her hair, tugging at it. "Ouch." Lilly smiles lovingly at her, carefully taking the lock from Sofia's grip and flipping her hair behind her shoulders.

"Adam used to do that," I speak quietly, her brown eyes immediately shifting at me in surprise. I've been quiet since I came to visit her about ten minutes ago. "He would often pull my hair and play with it whenever I held him."

I've been avoiding both Lilly and her child like the plague for the past two days, feeling cramps in my stomach whenever I heard Sofia's cries. Finally deciding it is time I confront my feelings and fear, I came to see them. Someone so innocent and small doesn't deserve to be stripped away from my love, on the contrary, I have a chance give her all the love I couldn't give to my son.

Lilly's features instantly turn sad and I almost regret saying anything, a small smile appearing on my lips. "It's alright, Lilly, I am fine. I can talk about him now."

She studies me for a few moments before walking to her bed and sitting down beside me, angling her body towards me. "What was he like?"

A wave of nostalgia washes over me like it always does when I think about my little boy, my fingers fumbling in my lap as I reminisce. "He was the happiest child ever. Always exploring and smiling that adorable dimpled smile. He had the biggest brown eyes and they were so warm and full of life. I love him and miss him so much, I always will."

"I wish I could have met him." She smiles softly and carefully holds her daughter with one arm, wrapping the other around my shoulders and pulling me to her side, kissing my temple.

"Can I... can I hold her?" I ask insecurely, glancing at Sofia.

Lilly widens her eyes, unable to hide her excitement. "Of course! But are you sure?"

I gulp thickly and nod, taking a deep breath. The rhythm of my accelerated heart is almost painful, the surface of my palms becoming damp with sweat. "I need to, I have to let go of my fear and sadness. I want to finally meet my niece properly."

Lilly hands her to me with caution, Sofia's little body fitting into my arms almost perfectly. Warmth spreads through my chest when her hazel, almost golden eyes identical to her father's look at me, my lips spreading in a wide smile as tears cloud my vision. "Hello there."

"I want to look for Zayn, do you mind watching over her?" Lilly inquires and stands up while I nod, barely tearing my eyes off the little angel in my arms.

"Do you feel ill?" I ask worriedly, only now noticing her tired bloodshot eyes with dark circles underneath them and her pale expression.

"I am fine, you needn't worry," she immediately brushes it off. "Taking care of Sofia has just been a little crazy and hard. She's barely two days old, so that must be it."

"Then you choose any room you want and rest as soon as possible, I shall take care of her."

I end up holding her for what seems to be hours, just watching her and swaying her until she ultimately falls asleep in my arms. Holding her in my arms has made me realise how much I miss holding my child; I wasn't ready to have him taken away from me so suddenly and cruelly. I swallow a heavy lump in my throat, instead focusing on the fact I now have a niece I can spoil and give her my love. I can only hope I will manage to truly get better one day and make it happen.