High on you

The Long and Winding Road

John had opened and closed his mouth several times. Each time he'd catch Pauls curious stare and he'd cower. He'd been hoping that his slight high might give him some bravery but he found himself struggling. "John?" came his voice.

"ok ok." John waved his hands and ignored the protests from his nervous stomach. "Y'know how I've umm, hooked up with quite the crowd before you?"

Paul licked his lips and nodded, suddenly nervous being that he was entirely blind to where this conversation was going. John finally turned to face Paul properly. "Well I frequented this bar and see I asked the host, I guess you could call em', to set me up with someone for....yeah" John didn't feel the need to come out and say it when he was sure that Paul knew what he was talking about.

Paul tired to hold back his judgement and not cringe. He again nodded and allowed John to continue though he could barely seem to get through it himself. "So in came this lad and-" John seemed to second guess telling this and scooted farther away to separate himself from Paul. "and because I'm so easy, I just dropped down to me knees like that" John snapped his fingers between their faces. The sound made both of them flinch, maybe for different reasons. "So, when I pulled back to wipe me mouth...I looked up and it was uh..Mr. Epstein."

With the name dropped, John sat back. Pauls eyes widened to saucers and he opened his mouth with the intention to speak but all that came out was "Oh."

"Oh?" John asked hesitantly. He'd been expecting more from him and was just becoming more and more insecure as Paul seemed to refuse to speak. Paul sat there for a minute, running his hand through his hair and processed what he'd been told.

"Well God John, I dunno what to say to that. When was that?" Paul stuttered through his sentence and John thought back to the event.

"Last year-"

"Last year? John....that's awful he..." Paul scooted closer to him and gave him a pitied look. "Why didn't you say something or report him?"

"He didn't know Paul, neither of us did....S'fine ok?" John urged Paul to move back to his original seat. And he did but he kept on bearing his eyes at John.

"No John. S'not ok. He's suppose to be a responsible adult, that's not excusable behavior, love. He took advantage of you." Paul tried to be soft toned as he spoke but he felt himself growing displeased and if he was honest, sick. John rolled his eyes like an irritable child and scoffed.

"He didn't know it was me, Paul." John again went to justify the actions he'd previously explained. Paul shook his head and took a shaky breath, knowing full well that John would be hesitant about continuing the subject. The lad was now clutching the steering wheel and on the verge of turning the radio on in an attempt to drown Pauls upcoming words out.

"It doesn't matter, John. He has a responsibility as an adult to know who he's sleeping with." Pauls voice was strong enough to rival Johns own defensive one. "I know it's not what you want to hear but... It's true." Paul scooted closer, cautiously, and attempted to grab Johns hand soothingly but it was pulled out of his reach. He didn't dare look Paul in the eyes. He stared forward at the bouncing sunlight on the car hood. The car went dead silent for a few minutes as John neglected Paul.

"I'm easy Paul, I didn't check either. And it's not like I'm a victim because I'm not." John said strongly, looking at his reflection in the rearview mirror. He suddenly felt trapped in his own car and ached to get out but didn't make any move to leave. Paul felt a chill from the small passing breeze, blowing a few of his hair strands across his forehead. He pulled at his jacket to get some more warmth. The slight cold seemed to flush Johns cheeks, he sniffled slightly.