Why I'm Gone

video 5 part 2

When I got to your house, about an hour before the party was due to start, you told your friends to finish up setting up the speakers in the garden and took me up to your room. We kind of sat there awkwardly for a few minutes. Until you finally bought out a bottle of whiskey and we took swigs from it and talked for a little bit. You then told me you liked me, really liked me. Then I told you I felt the same and we kissed. Then we kissed some more. Then I drank some more whiskey. I'll admit it, I did drink a bit too much, I was trying to drown all my doubts and fears in the fiery taste of the whiskey. But that was no excuse Rhys. No excuse. And then you went over to your drawer and pulled out some pills.

"Want a little fun?" He asked.

"What are they?" I ask, I didn't want to end up high again.

"Relax, it's just contraception. I don't like condoms." At this point I was feeling slightly uncertain. I wasn't even sure where we would stand after the night was over.

"I'm not sure."

"Just relax mya." I pushed my worries aside, told myself to live a little. He popped one out and gave it to me.
The alcohol must have been really affecting my brain because I didn't realise at the time, but after I swallowed the pill I felt really drowsy. Now of course, I know it was some kind of sleeping drug. Then he pulled my clothes off and chucked his on the floor beside them. I'm not going to say anything else about that because you can all figure out what happened, but you really didn't think through the plan properly though Rhys. Because that sleeping pill wasn't very effective. Didn't last very long. As soon as the effects started to wear off, I realised it was a mistake. I was drunk though. I tried to fight you off, but you just held my arms and kissed my neck.
When you finally let me go, I leaped off the bed and dressed hurriedly. I tried to keep myself together just until I left the party, but I couldn't. I started crying as I was about to leave the room.

"What's wrong you asked?"

At least he asked.

At this point I just went mental. I screamed at you. I don't know what I screamed, I just wanted to let all my anger and hurt out. Then I left, slamming your bedroom door behind you. I kept crying and screaming as I left your house, pushing past people, the party now in full swing.

After that I walked home and went straight up to my room before my parents could ask me what was wrong. I told them I was going to bed. I didn't sleep that night. I lay and wept. That was the first suicide ever entered my head.