Reasons To Stay

TWELVE

My heart was beating fast, my hands shook, and my lips trembled lightly. But I knew it was time. Time for me to be brave and just knock.

Knock, I told myself. Come on, it's not that hard. Just knock.

Apparently, convincing myself of something was harder than just thinking it.

Come, on, Sloan. Knock. Now.

I was just about to finally do as my mind tried to command when the door opened and a beautiful brunette woman appeared on the other side.

"Oh, sorry," she apologized with a cheery voice. "I didn't hear you knock!"

"Uh. It's okay. I didn't actually get to."

"Oh, great," she said, smiling. I stared at her, not really believing how much she looked like Lance.

"You must be one of Lance's friends. I'm his aunt," she said as she extended her hand and I shook it. She was so cheery that nerves were soon forgotten, just as they had with Porter in New York. "Do you want to come in? He'll be down in a minute."

"Was he expecting...," I was going to say me, but he clearly wasn't going to be expecting me, "someone?"

"Oh, no. But we love visits. Come in," she said as she opened the door wider for me. I stepped in and soon the smell of recently baked cookies hit me.

"They smell delicious," I said, trying to be friendly.

"Really? Oh! Oh, I know. Why don't you stay for dinner?" she asked, and she seemed so happy because of her sudden idea that I kind of felt bad by having to tell her I had to go home.

"I'm sorry. I'd love to, but I..."

"Sloan?"

I immediately looked in the direction his voice came from without a second thought. There was Lance, on the top of the stairs looking down at me, surprised.

"Wait. You are the Sloan?" his aunt said next to me, but I had my eyes on Lance. He was wearing a button down shirt and his trademark dark jeans. His hair was longer and messier than I'd last seen it, but his eyes were just as green and penetrating as always. "Lance has told us so many things about you!" his aunt kept saying. "I can't believe I finally get to meet you..." she trailed off when she noticed the tension growing between us. "But I can tell this is not the time, so I'll just walk off and leave you two alone."

She did just that.

"What are you doing here?" Lance asked as he walked down towards me slowly.

"Well, I'm back," I said, not really knowing how to respond. Why was I there? To ask for his forgiveness? His friendship?

"I can see," he said as he eyed me. "You look... different."

I smiled a sad smile. "I feel different. Stronger, I guess. Happier."

He didn't seem to know what to say to that. "How was New York?" His hands were on his pockets and he was shifting his weigh from one leg to the other. He was uncomfortable, and that made my heart sink.

"Good. I... missed you, though."

It took a while for him to answer, but when he did I could see a small smile forming on his lips. "I missed you, too."

"I know I should have said something. But everything just happened too fast and I didn't even have time to think, and..."

"Shh," he said as he took one long step to stand right in front of me, with almost no distance between us. "Just stop with the excuses. I understand now. It was hard, at first, for some weird reason I can't really understand. I mean, it's not like we were boyfriend and girlfriend or something like that, so I had no right to be mad."