Entangled Woman

Dark days,darker nights.

My anxiety and depression were beyond explanation.I really couldn't deeply express how I felt.I saw myself telling people about the unnecessary things,things that weren't worth any attention,latest gossips,tv shows...they thought they knew me,but they didn't. Most times the ones we think we know best are the ones we know the least.Beyond that cheerful fake smile I gave all the time,beyond the advice I gave that I never took...beyond all the superficials, beyond all What I made them to believe,there was this dark,eerie side which had travelled through the lengths of time.This deep,cold road with confused and untold emotions had continually crept in,till they became the master of the inner me.Even my feminist lenses of justice and equality,did very little to drive this conflicting emotions away.

It was raining that night,all I could see was the light bulb coming on and off.I got up unconsciously and lit a candle.I sat on my bed,and as if hypnotised,I carefully observed it.To and fro,it moved...like my life.I could feel it come again,this time creeping,taking careful steps into my soul,drawing the last bit of positivity,I could have,washing it all away, till there was no more.I could feel it's breath,so close to me.I could here the voices in my head,who spoke to me like no other.I couldn't, move, couldn't scream,it had taken my voice to the grave with it.The wick in the candle kept burning,got darker but wasn't turning darker as faster as I was.I knew the wick was taking me somewhere...it reminded me of those long deep scars of self harm.Those moments where I wondered if it will be selfish of me,to see what lies in the other world.The candle melted every bit of my consciousness.I wasn't there anymore.I was some where else.I had gone there through a deep dark road of turbulence,pain,rejection and alot more and now I happily resided in the village of doom,with me being Queen.No one could overthrown me.I was the Queen of the pity party.

"Tell,July when she gets up to make sure she takes care of those plates."I heard the voice of my mother,faintly."Yes,I will".July? Where was July.I hadn't heard from her...no one had discovered yet that she was missing! Even I did not know where she was...She was making my anxiety worse! I couldn't breath,I rushed to the bathroom...The anxiety was sort of superformidable.It was Complicated,it came at the worse moments,and the cause of it,probably didn't care.
I wasn't breathing properly,I couldn't tell why,but I was blaming myself for everything.I guess I always got used to the fact that it was always my fault.If I didn't feel guilty,then I didn't feel right.It was a feeling I got used to...unfortunately. I looked at the mirror,I couldn't see myself,I was a shadow of myself,I was existing physically, but then psychologically dead.All I saw was a pathetic reflection of a human,staring at the me in the face.I cared for July,so much everything about her bothered me.Was she safe? What will I tell my parents? Did she escape from the Web we were all entangled in? Those questions continually bugged me.She was not just a role model for me...She was the moon in my world(well,sometimes), but I was but a speck of dust in hers.
Then,I heard a noise a pretty familiar one.You see,anytime July went out without fathers permission,every time she took a late night out,She always stood by my window and whistled the song "Founding Fathers".Anytime I heard got that whistle,I heard knew she was the one.
"July,is that you?"I whispered.
"Well,is there anybody in Kaligrab who whistles as beautifully like I do by your window at this time of the night? Hmm let me see...of course not!,give me a helping hand here be fast before somebody catches me."
I helped her up through my bathroom window,she got stuck.
"Come on, pull harder!"
"I'm trying"
"No you are not,do you want us to get caught here,pull a litt..."
Before she could finish her last word,I had already pulled her and she fell on the bathroom floor.Then she looked at the window,held her waist and said "Well,I guess it's time,I start working out...not because I'm increasing in size,no! I have great shape.The exercise is just to,you know to...Why are you staring at me in that awful manner?"
"Sorry".
"So,what now?"
"I think this is the part you say thank you"
"I will say thank you whenever I want to...thank you."Then she rushed into the room dragging me along with her,"Oh sister you will not believe the chain of events that occurred today,you can't possibly imagine! I mean,Mr . Bradshaw,Mrs.Vilda,The Ford's residence..."
"Mrs.Vilda?"
"Yes"
"As in "the Mrs.Vilda"? Our neighbour,the one who is greatly talked about in Kaligrab?"
"Uuuh yeah,that one,that exact same one."
"Ok,tell me." I placed my head on a pillow waiting to get amused,waiting to be told the craziest story I could have possibly imagined.