Baby-Blues | Peterick

Without You, I Lose Myself

Every time I look at him I fall in love yet again.

His smile, his laugh, his eyes. Him. I hold his hands in mine and they're so soft, so smooth, just like the rest of him.

He looks into my eyes as we do a live video together on Instagram. We're just joking around on our joint account which for some reason had over four-thousand followers.

He's laughing, so full of life and I can't get enough. I'm just staring at him with big, brown, heart-eyes.

"What?" He giggles, pushing me by the chest, his cheeks red. My god, he's so beautiful.

I pull my arm around him and tug him into my chest, kissing the top of his head. He presses his face into the crook of my neck in attempt to hide his bright pink cheeks.

The comments explode with people flipping out over how cute we were. I lean down and kiss his cheek. He shouts at me for making him get even redder.

He's so small in my arms as he giggles. Patrick is so precious, he truly is something so special. I don't know what I'd do without him. I already knew I was going to marry him because he was my whole life.

My mother calls from the bottom of stairs and I sigh, "We had lots of fun on here with you all, but mother calls and we must go. Maybe we'll stream later?" I say and Patrick waves at the camera in a shy way that makes my chest hurt in the best way possible.

It was the best feeling in the world, when your chest just swelled and felt like you could just explode with emotion. When your heart beat so hard you could hear it in your ears and your body gets shaky and your stomach fills with butterflies.

But that feeling only comes during moments like this. Not a first kiss or first fuck but when you're just there, looking into the other person's eyes lazily at two in the morning when you both can't sleep, or when your hands find each other's in the car when the sun is setting and hits your lover in just the right way. The small times that should mean nothing but mean the world. All the times it's just you and them as one. The times that you don't need to talk nor kiss nor touch.

It's when it's just you, me and the universe.

Those are the times when I feel the most love towards you.

It's when I fall in love all over again.

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He stares up at the sky, pointing at all the stars and tracing out every constellation he could see.

I stare at him and trace every piece of him over and over again in my head so that the image of him will never leave me.

His hand holds mine in a firm, desperate grasp. It's a grip that begs to be kept for all eternity. It's a hold that locks me to him, the one that confirms that he's the one I'm going to marry. I'm going to place a ring on this hand one day, I'm going to weep as I stare into those baby-blues that drew me into him, the ones that sealed my fate. I'm going to choke as I try to stammer out all the words that could never do my love for him justice while he holds my hands before everybody we know. I'm going to hold back the unstoppable tears that insist on falling as he flawlessly utters his vows to me.

Someday he really will be mine. Someday, he will be the person that I can say holds my hands, my heart, my soul and my last name.

I swallow hard at the thought.

Someday was all I needed right now.

Because for now, I was okay just watching the stars with him on the roof of his old '56 Chevy.

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Patrick knew just what I liked, whether it was food, flowers, sex or whatever else, he just got me. He knew exactly what I liked even without actually knowing, if you get what I mean.