Cursed To Live

Chapter 3

I woke up. Why? He was in my dreams. The feeling of being betrayed is still under my ribs, in my lungs. In my heart? No. I cannot feel that. I cannot have fallen in love with him. I don't even know him. He even told them about me smoking. I hate him. I went to the window and lighted a cigarette. I needed to buy a new pack.
Where's my mother? Oh yeah, she is at some client's house. I am alone. As always. I have to go to school. On Saturday. Going to a special school doesn't really help. I have to go to school every day 7 days a week. Shit I will be late for the bus. I took my earphones and ran out of home.
Was I late? No. The bus is late. I wait for it a little and the moment I think that it had come earlier, that I was late, it came. Oh, a feeling of calmness hits me. I got in the bus and was shocked. He was sitting on the seat next to the one I  sit on. He wanted to sit next  to me? No that can't be it. He just didn't have where else to sit. And then I looked  to his usual seat, next to his best friend. And  it was  empty. He looked at me and smiled. I sat next to him. I couldn't even smile. My  dream was haunting me, I just didn't know what to do. My eyes are wetting. No I couldn't possibly cry in front of him. I closed my eyes and  calmed down. I am angry at him, I can't show weakness. I just need to remember that I don't know him and he doesn't know me. He is staring at me. Does  he want to talk to me? Has he said something? I couldn't hear him because  of my earphones. I took them off and looked at him.
"Are you okay?" he asked me.
"Do I look okay?" I asked him angrily.
"I didn't mean to–"
"You know what? Don't try to get into my life. Leave me alone just as I have always been. You don't know me but neither do I. I don't want you in my life, I don't need you nor anybody else. I just need to know something. Why did you report me? Why did you have to cause me problems? Do you hate me that much?"
"I... " he was speechless. He had nothing to say. "I am sorry... I didn't know I'd cause problems... I just..."
"You just what? Why won't you JUST leave me alone?"
"Because I... I care about you. Don't be angry, please..."
"You care about me? How could you care about a person you don't even know?"
"I know you."
  "Hahaha! How come? How could you know me when I don't know myself?"
"I know you. I know how tortured your soul is. I know why you don't trust people. I know how broken and miserable you feel. I know how it feels. And I know how many times you have asked yourself if you deserve to live. And I know that you feel like nobody loves you." 

"No, you don't. You have no idea how I feel. Your life is perfect. You are handsome, you have a lot of friends, your family loves you. How could you possibly know how I feel? Now leave me alone."

"Yes I do. I know how you feel. Why do you think you know how I feel? My parents died a year ago. And friends? Are you talking about those fake people right there? You don't know anything. Nothing in my life is as it seams."

I was shocked. Now I was the one left speechless. My eyes were wetting again and I knew I was about to start crying. No, I can't start crying here in front of everyone. I can't show my weakness. He was my weakness. How did this happen? Why did it happen? God, I needed a cigarette.

We were looking at each other, nobody talking. I felt like I had to break the silence.

"I... I don't know what to say..." I said.

"Are you surprised? Wow, the world doesn't spin around you? You are not the only one feeling that way? It can't be!"

"Why are you such a jerk? You are the only person I talk to and you are being such an idiot. WHY? ANSWER M–"

He kissed me before I had said what I wanted to. His lips were hot, his tongue was soft like silk. I felt his hands moving down my back as he was pulling me closer to himself. I lost my mind, melting in his hands. His skin smelled so good... I felt like the scent was making me high. And then it hit me. I was so in love with him. I had always been. But was he? Why was he kissing me? I was showing weakness. I could not do that. I pushed him away. Kiss me harder, please.

"What are you doing?" I asked him. Thankfully, my mind was coming back.