Know Me Before You Judge Me

Issues

I won't lie. I have a lot of issues. Some are personal, and some pop up everyday.

I have trust issues. That's probably the biggest one. I didn't really trust some people when I was little, but my issues started when I was pushed off of a cliff. I was told that they would jump with me but instead she pushed me off. After that, trusting people was hard. I have trouble trusting my own family. If I trust you, it says a lot about you.

I also have issues with my weight. This was brought on by my brothers. They would tell me that I'm fat. Everyday. Multiple times. It got to where I would cry. I'll go on diets here and there, a lot of times I wish I would get sick. That's when I lose the most weight, because I won't eat after throwing up even the next day. I barely eat the next few days. I get very self concious about my weight, especially during the summer. By looking at me, you would think other wise.

One of my other big issues is my sensitivity. By looking at me you wouldn't think I'm very sensitive, but I am. I've always been very sensitive, but even more so when my grandma passed away when I was 7 or 8. It seems like as I get older, the more sensitive I become. There's nights where I just lay in the dark and cry. I cry until I fall asleep. Sometimes just certain phrases will cause me to almost start crying. I don't like people seeing me cry. It doesn't matter how long I've known you or if you're related to me, you will not see me cry. My sensitivity makes it impossible for me to have a serious conversation with my dad without almost crying even if he's talking in a conversational tone. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true.

Many times I've been told that there's something wrong with me. Over time, I began to believe it. When some of the people in my family would yell at me they would plain as day say "There's something wrong with you". And with the past I have, I believed it. Countless times that phrase would ring in the back of my head and cause me to cry. Even now when I get upset about something, all I can take out of the situation is that there something wrong with me. I don't know what it is, but there's something.