Europe is our oyster.

St Petersburg

The Church of our saviour on spilled blood. A long name I know and that's just one variation. It's built on the site of where a former emperor was mortally wounded and you couldn't ask for a grander memorial, the thing has more mosaics than you can shake a stick at. I'll be lucky if I get thrown in a ditch when I go. Oh well, I know Batsy would miss me even though he'd never admit it. Speaking of the Bat I wonder where he is, he's taking his time. Sure it's a long way but that plane of his is exceedingly fast, he should be here by now. I decide to have a walk around the souvenir market near the church while I wait. There's some pretty neat stuff but I can't afford to buy it right now. Normally this wouldn't matter, it's not like I haven't stolen anything before. While I'm here though I want to try and keep a low profile if possible. For one thing Russia can be an unsafe place for someone like me. Not because of mob bosses, crime circuits and things like that. They are pretty much the same wherever you go and if you can handle yourself in Gotham you can handle yourself anywhere. Here I have to worry about something quite different. In Gotham Batman and I could walk around hand in hand without any problems, sure we'd get some odd comments and looks but that's just because of my reputation as an artiste. In Russia you could get beaten up or worse for something like that. Trouble like that is the last thing I want at the moment and giving any jerks that happen to be hanging around extra motive by nicking stuff wouldn't be smart. Besides, I want to enjoy this trip and I can't do that from inside a prison cell. To be honest I'm beginning to wonder whether crime is losing it's charm. If my plan works out the may I intend I should find out. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.

As a popular tourist spot it is naturally full of people. This only makes things worse. More people means more targets for the Joker. As I swing my way across the city I try to figure out what he might be planning. A bomb? A trap? I have no information to go on so it could be literally anything. Approaching my destination I am greeted by the sight of a bustling street market, I mean to swing straight past but something tells me to stop and take a look. Call it instinct. I spot Joker almost immediately, his purple tail coat makes him stand out from the crowd. Just looking at him fills me with loathing. Here is a man who has had a completely different outfit for each city we've been to, in short a man who cares more about his own appearance than human life. It's disgusting. Joker whistles cheerfully as he bends over a stall selling beaded bracelets. Well aware of the strange looks I'm getting I come up close behind him, close enough to cut of any possible escape routes. He freezes mid whistle then spins round suddenly so that we are almost nose to nose. "Hey Bats, I was wondering when you'd show up!" he cries. Then he bursts out laughing. "You're seriously wearing THAT here in broad daylight? They call me crazy!"

I resist the urge to punch him in the face with great difficulty. "We need to talk" I mutter threateningly. Grabbing him by the scruff of the neck I drag him away. "Cut it out! This isn't Gotham you know, people round here aren't used to this sort of thing. Do you really want that kind of attention?!" he shrieks. With a surprising show of force Joker twists my arm round and pulls himself free. I expect him to make a run for it but he doesn't, he just stands there staring at me with his hands on his hips. "You know, I've put up with a lot of stuff over the years" he begins. "Now I'm not talking about all those times you've chucked me in Arkham, that doesn't matter. I'm talking about how every time we meet we're always playing the game by your rules. Sure I play along. I leave clues so you can chase me and I tell you all my plans so that you can stop me just in time and beat me to a pulp. It's always about you and I've had enough!" Joker snaps angrily. "What are you talking about? You're are delusional" I reply. I have no idea what he is getting at. "Oh don't play that card with me" he warns with a sinister smile "I'm just as sane as you are. That being the case I know exactly how to help you understand your situation." At this point Joker turns away from me and leans against the wall, looking out over the river.