I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to jump off the bridge.
I laughed when I told you about it.
You sorta freaked out.
Life has always been beautiful, we just don't see the beauty of it every single day.
You were right Jacob,
When you said it's so hard sometimes to be happy.
That we should embrace that shit
when we finally are?
I treasured each happy moment
bathed with all its joyous bubbles,
it may have made no sense that night,
but surely, it made marks.
I turn the music up in my table,
A little louder.
I need to drown these little sobs,
because no one has to know,
I don't want them to know.
I don't want them to be asking me
what is wrong.
Because how can something so beautiful
be so wrong at the same time?
How do you explain that?
Unlike most people,
I was really shy about it.
With what I do,
With how I stand,
With the way I look,
You'd wonder why
and I don't want to explain.
Today, I cried in front of someone
whom I thought loved me.
He asked
"Are you gonna talk to me
or am I sending you home?"
I cried.
There's no home in this city.
He made me stop crying,
because he was about to.
And he promised
I'd never have to feel that way,
ever again.
This is why I love the sun more than the rain.
Rain likes hoping that crying will drown our sorrows,
but it doesn't really.
Nothing ever does.
So I'm going to plan my death because it's easier than planning my life.
