Lush Expiration | Harry Styles AU | BOOK 3 ✓

05

Vicky West

I often saw Harry in my dreams. I loathed the fact that this time it wasn't my imagination.

As he stood there on that balcony expressing his affection towards someone that wasn't me; it felt like a group of people were stabbing with knives into my heart harshly. I was internally bleeding from being forgotten so effortlessly.

I had always known that we were capable of loving people too hard -Too much at times that it often started being toxic for our hearts. Picturing ourselves with someone else had become impossible, since our love was beyond the bounds; we were extraordinarily smitten.

I can't explain how it felt like to realise, a few hours ago, that I lost him. At one point in your life you know that everything you value cannot always be yours; if you think otherwise, you're a hypocrite. I could tell every living soul on this earth what it felt like losing him, but I told myself no one would ever feel the exact same thing like me.

The only thing people could relate to at this point, was the feeling of missing someone.

While I sat here on a bench, looking over the city of Angels, it occurred to me that I hadn't felt this lonely. Don't misunderstand me; Yes, I felt lonesome throughout the months without him. But I hadn't realized how bad it had been until he had his arms wrapped around her remarkably tight.

My eyes glanced at my phone that I had been holding for the past twenty minutes – deliberating in my mind whether calling Louis was a smart idea.

I had promised him that I'd call him, but 2am wouldn't be the right time to get back to him. What could I possibly say? How terrible I felt right now for going to his house and not being with him?

The thing that frustrated me the most was that I hadn't cried since I left Harry's house. Not one single tear slipped from my eye, while I had expected myself to be crying hysterically. I stared at the screen of my phone; a minute had passed by again. The time was going slow, since I kept myself awake with my thoughts.

I understood why I felt miserable at this moment. Not only because I saw him with someone else, but maybe because Marcel had been right.

Who knew I waited on him, but didn't admit to myself that I had fallen into this vicious cycle of lying to myself to make it look like I handled it perfectly.

''But if you are going to stick to this image you have in mind about knowing that Harry is in town, I'm afraid you'll search for him and fall back in your old pattern.'' I repeated Marcel's words in my head as I stared into the distance.

The fact that I had proven, to myself, that Harry was in town didn't please me after all. Yes, he was here. No, he was not with me.

Marcel being afraid to see me fall back into my old habit, made me understand that it was the last thing I should let happen.

The past two years were gone and I had forgotten about myself throughout this time. I couldn't let the upcoming days, months and years pass by like this ever again. I was heartbroken, and knowing now that he moved on made me eager to show the world the best version of Vicky West.

I got back to my Mini-Cooper and drove in haste to the Moulin Rouge. It was a habit of mine to have extra clothes in the trunk for emergencies and it felt like this was one. I drove faster than I was allowed to do, but there were no cars on the road.

As I reached the Moulin Rouge, I remember where the spare key of the backdoor was hidden. My bag was hanging over my shoulder as my hand searched for the key. Within a few seconds I found it and I rushed to the door. As I entered the building, I made sure the alarm was turned off. I turned the lights from the stage on and walked to it instantly.