Lush Expiration | Harry Styles AU | BOOK 3 ✓

41 - A letter to Harry

Dear Harry,

There is only so much a person can take, and I am on the edge of losing it all; the love of my life and myself.

I've rewritten this letter countless times. I've got a lot to say but when I put my thoughts and feelings onto paper, it becomes messy; as if I don't know where to start neither where to end. I want to make sure you follow my train of thoughts. I don't want you to be left puzzled when you finish this letter. So here it goes...

When I think of what is ahead of us, there is this red alarming warning sign, which tells me to stop because there isn't much left before I reach my breaking point. But how does one stop when all you want to do is be there for the person who you'll love eternally?

When I first met you, Harry, I knew there was something about you that would consistently pull me in. And I was right. I knew I was drawn to you, even if I pretended to be uninterested. I grew more and more curious over time. And when you gave me the chance to get to know you, I knew there was something special about you no one had ever seen before.

I am fortunate enough I have experienced this wonderful side of you, Harry. You care so much for me and make me laugh when I need it the most. I feel beautiful, confident, thoroughly loved, and altogether special when I am with you. There hasn't been someone who has made me feel all of this before. Only you.

Of course, there have been moments we were given bad days, but I won't let myself mention them again in great detail because it doesn't solve anything. It only reminds us of bitter times; ones we want to erase from our memories, ones we regret endlessly. But we survived them. We always did.

But, after everything we have been through, I fear I am unable to survive this one if I stay. That's why I decided to write you this letter because I want you to know I have left Los Angeles when you were fighting your battle in court.

You must know I didn't leave to hurt you nor abandon you without thinking twice. I left because LA is a toxic place for both of us and I can't stay any longer, seeing it only caused more distress than good.

Just think about the moments we behaved during the days you were preparing yourself for court. . . We were not doing good. We yelled. We cried. I avoided you and you avoided me. We have never acted so revolting to each other, and I can't put myself through it all any longer. I deserve better. You deserve better. We deserve better.

But better days won't come if we don't leave a place that suffocates us. That's why I am in New York right now. In this city, we can be together without getting chased by drama and greedy people. Once and for all, I am finally able to breathe because I know someone isn't waiting to take me, you, or us down.

I want you to . . . No. You must understand this letter isn't a way of saying goodbye to you. It isn't. I don't want to lose you, Harry. You and I have fought too damn hard for us to be together. We can't throw everything away like it's nothing.

I want you. I will always want you. Day and night my heart will belong to you, Harry. I can't even imagine spending my life with someone else; a man who isn't you. You are the one for me. I've known this for a life-time. You are my home.

But as much as I want you to come to New York, I will never blame you if you don't. I can't expect you to leave LA for me knowing you have grown up there. Only leave if you want to. If you don't, that's all right.

It will break my heart. But it is all right.

If you stay, I wish you all of the happiness in the world. I wish you find someone who loves you unconditionally and believes in you regardless of what is going on. Someone who is strong enough to stay in LA and won't exchange it for a different city. And I hope, I really hope, you live your best life. You deserve everything, Harry. Everything.

But if you love me, and want to be with me forever, you'll come to New York. Maybe then we can finally start our life together. After all these years, we have a right to be happy.

We deserve to have our happily ever after.

And I want it. I hope you do, too.

I love you. More than anything.

My address is on the back of this letter.

Always yours,

Vicky

....

A/N: final chapter this Friday. warning: it's going to be around 10.000 words (: