Lush Expiration | Harry Styles AU | BOOK 3 ✓

18

Vicky West

I excused myself, after Harry told me that he couldn't remember what happened during our stay in Texas and arriving in Los Angeles with Emma.

Right now, I was seated in the waiting area with no one around me – giving myself some space after the news. My worst nightmare was absolutely nothing compared to this.

Over and over again, I questioned myself why he had to lose his memory. I knew it couldn't be his fault that everything that happened in the past two years was gone.

I did think about the recording Louis once gave to me of the conversation he had with Harry at his house. I mentioned it, but Harry told me Louis had already tried the recording; it didn't succeed.

Somehow, everything related to those two years was gone. Maybe, somewhere, in the back of his mind was a memory left – but according to the doctor it was impossible to remember.

I didn't feel the desire to talk to anyone. I preferred to keep my mouth shut and think about how I was going to cope with this. Evidently, I wasn't able to forget what happened. But, most importantly, I did not want to tell him how the two years made me feel. I had tried to forget this period of my life, and I was coming closer to accepting the fact I needed to move on. I couldn't bear to lose myself by bringing it up, again.

Seeing how lost he felt at this point, was heart-breaking. But I couldn't give him what he desired the most at this moment. It had to wait.

I noticed that the nurse came inside of the waiting area, when I heard shoes touching the floor. My eyes locked with hers, and she pressed her lips together – it seemed she was even unsure about how she needed to start a conversation.

Jenny came closer and sat beside me.

''He told you, didn't he Miss West?''

''Yes, he did.'' I said with hurt present in my voice.

''Unfortunately, we can't do anything about it.'' She spoke the words aloud, I preferred not to hear. ''Maybe it's better if you go inside. It must be awful for him to know nothing about a part of his life.'' Jenny explained.

Sadly, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to get back to him – to see his face and the guilt he felt for not knowing a thing. Instead of drifting away in my thoughts, Jenny continued talking to me. ''I've seen many people sitting here like you, Miss West. The best remedy is to accept it and help him.''

I understood where she was coming from, and I wanted to help Harry with my whole heart. The pain must be excruciating for him. But my body felt like it couldn't muster up a single ounce of strength anymore.

''What if you want to help him, but it might break you at the end?'' I asked anxiously.

Jenny gave me a weak, but warm smile. ''The things we do for the people we care about will always hurt us – good or bad. You shouldn't punish him, because he can't remember.''

''He talked to you, didn't he?''

Jenny nodded. ''As a nurse you get very personal with your patient. Especially, with these kind of accidents.'' She explained to me, but she managed to do it with serenity, it didn't surprise me she ended up working at the hospital. ''It's important to take it slow when it comes to these situations. We got informed about his girlfriend Emma, who showed up this morning when you were here. According to the doctor it's crucial if she isn't present every day.''

''What about me?''

''You should be here more often, Miss West. You carry the knowledge about what happened, but also about the past the two of you hold. Emma isn't such a vital part in his recovery compared to you.''