Life is a Dance

Age 25

Everything had happened so fast it was like a fast ball coming right at my face and I didn't have time to get out of the way. They say twenty-five is a great age, you get married, plan to buy a house, get pregnant. But what they don't tell you is life is a raging cunt who will fuck you over for no good reason. My husband would always sing "Life's a dance" to me when I was struggling with my classes. Why the fuck I chose to be a teacher I will never know, honestly kids are assholes, but I wanted kids with him.. I loved him, he was my light at the end of the tunnel always looking back smiling waiting for me to realize how great I am.

It happened so fast, two years into our marriage we get pregnant. Our families are happy, we're happy. "I love you so much Jun..." He gave me a quick kiss before he walked out the door, like a true love story written in real time. The teacher and the cop together living a happy life, I just accepted a contract with the high school, social skills, teach the kids social skills. It's sad how many kids actually signed up for the class without a second thought. My phone pinged with a text, "You two are always with me" It was a picture of the sonogram and a picture of me sitting on his dashboard in the squad car.

Start of the year, his text brought a smile to my face. I think he was more excited about the baby than I was, I wasn't upset but also wasn't happy. Felt a little rushed, but the entire family kept pushing and well they got their wish. 

Friday, end of week one was coming to an end, these kids weren't so bad but then again it's only the first week. As I was packing up my bag to leave I felt pain, like I had been stabbed and as I hunched over my desk I could feel a gush of liquid leave my body, fuck what is happening to me? I called my mom before I left, I couldn't drive in pain like this.

"Mom, am I dying?" I held the phone to my ear with one hand while the other gripped my desk trying to distract myself from my lower pain. I heard my mom chuckle over the sound of blood rushing through my ears.

"No baby, it's normal. Probably just growing pains from the baby" Her voice was light but held concern, "But mom I think I'm bleeding, it's like I got my period." I sighed and stood, the pain was getting worse. "I'm going to call Theo and have him take me to the hospital. The pain is getting worse." I heard her say "I love you" As I hung up the phone, I guess it was a good thing Theo was off early today.

Theo met me at my car, I had managed to walk out without anyone noticing every step I took I flinched.

"Baby, why didn't you call me right away?" He took my bag and threw it in my car, he had his buddy drop him off he was still in his uniform. "I'm sorry I really thought this was normal, when I talked to mom she said it was just growing pains from the baby." All he did was nod his head and help me into the car, he drove faster than a cop should but we made it alive. Sometimes I wonder if he really did care what happened to me.

They got me into a room and all the needles in my arm, fuck I hate hospitals. Theo paced around the room waiting for the doctor to come in, the bleeding had gotten worse by the time the nurse checked. She ran out of the room calling for the doctor which made my anxiety spike.

"Mrs. Youngs, I'm doctor Teller..." She sat down in the chair next to me, grabbed my hand and just looked at me. Her eyes held petty and fear. She looked to Theo "Are you the father? Mr. Youngs?" Theo nodded and sat on the edge of the bed laying his hand on my leg lightly like he was afraid to break me.

"Mrs. and Mr. Youngs I am so sorry.." The doctor talked so softly, I didn't understand why she was sorry but the tears that fell down my face held the understanding of her next words she chose carefully. "You're having a miscarage. Your baby has died, I am so sorry. We are going to keep you here overnight to have eyes on you." I heard myself tell her thank you and watched her leave. I refused to make eye contact with Theo, I let him down, he always wanted to be a father but I know that he will be willing to try again when we can. I felt him get up from the bed turning to him. I looked up, expecting to see love in his brown eyes but all I was met with was pure hatred.