Dodie Clark (Lyrics To Her Songs)

The Slowest Man Alive

Now the other day I was standing in line

And I'd been standing for, well, quite some time

I had a train to catch, I had a place to be

Sandwich in my hand, I was all set to leave.

I was ready to pay, just gonna beep and move

Just two more people in that infuriating que

And one of them's gone now; off they drive...

And this is when I meet the slowest man alive.

He shuffles forward, tripping on every crack

Tapping every pocket, his front and back

Raises his arms in the air, "Oh dear, where's my cash?"

Just as he does so, there's a might splash

Pennies and fivers and ten p's and pounds

Fall from his arms and bounce on the ground

He chuckles. I crack, as down he bends

To pick up every last coin, fifties, twenties, and tens.

Sandwich melting in hand, the slowest man in this world

Plonks his change on the counter, deals it out to the girl

"Uh oh!" he exclaims with a huff and a puff

"I don't think I have enough"

So just as I think I'll never get served

A new cashier appears after what we've observed

I bound forward, grab my uke from behind

I'm ready to blow this slow man's mind

Hey, Scattered Change, have you heard of bpay

'Cos I can purchase my sandwich in a unique way

I'll tell you a bit more about it after this song

But I'm paying with my uke and then I'm moving along

As I smugly place down my uke on the machine

The slow man laughs at something that I haven't seen...

"I like your bpay sticker,

your lack of change and a purse,

but before you pay...

check where your sandwich is first!"