i think i always loved her more than she loved me.
i think i will always associate red and blue pills and vomit with her name. i think that i'm getting better but then last night i shaved my legs recklessly so i'd fuck up and could watch the shower become stained with crimson like i'm some fucking artist. i think that maybe life gets easier cause you build calluses against erosion and i think that there's nothing else she could do cause baby i've walked across hot coals and burned my feet and now that skin is thicker than ever.
i think recovery is the hardest fucking story i've ever written but i'm writing it anyway. i think that my mom and my dad and my brothers would've got the kind of abyss in their chests that can't ever be filled so i think i'm glad cause sometimes failing is better than succeeding. you gotta bleed to know your heart still pumps.
and i think maybe she took parts of me i'll never get back but call me a fucking starfish cause if she won't return those pieces of my soul, i'll grow them. looking at her hurts like lightning but there's more time between the thunder and the flash then there was before.
the storm is ending and i smell spring. the streets have flooded but the houses still stand. things will be okay.
