Praying mantis' madness

the begin

Location: Miami, McDonald's bathroom

Date: June 17 2013 5.35pm

I was in the bathroom trying my best to look nice, it was a hot summer day but it was really relaxing because there was this wind that made you feel chilly, I was wearing shorts and a tank top that was showing my perfect fit body, Lauren Jauregui, my huge crush seconds before walked up to me, bringing me in a secluded place asking me if I would like to go to her house since she was home alone, I still didn't know if it was some kind of joke that she was playing with my heart, she knew my feelings and she also used to make fun of them. Teenagers are strange creatures, they have a foot in adolescence and another in maturity, everyday they are fed with hormones, I wasn't different at all I used to ask myself some questions such as "do aliens exist? Does god exist? And if this god does exist why let us feel all this pain? Why does pubic hair have a limited length?" while I was answering these question I masturbated a lot, like at least once a day, that's why I was in a McDonald's bathroom with the eyes plant on the sign "occupied" I used to do it in every place when I was in love with Lauren, I mean a part of me is still in love with her but that time was different, I didn't use to have this hate and rancor towards her and her angelic figure, now you could ask me who the hell is so selfish to stay for 20 minutes in a McDonald's bathroom? Me. Now you could also think one of these things

This Camila is

• A pervert

• A psycho

• or A nymphomaniac

None of these answers could be wrong, I was actually all of these 3 answers but I can actually explain, Lauren Jauregui was actually an angel and she could have made you crazy at the same time she made me feel like I wanted to have her all day and all night but also the one that you don't get pissed at if she just wants to cuddle without having sex. She made me a pervert psycho and nymphomaniac in a McDonald's bathroom.

At that moment in less than 2 days there was the possibility that i could have sex for the first time, that moment that she prepared mentally and physically, and what I was doing? Simply what every 16 year old could do in that moment, panic. I was playing with my shirt and I was thinking "what if she doesn't like my boobs? Or my pussy? What if I won't be able to do anything and what if she won't cum?" I was really anxious and I was afraid however it was actually funny because maybe Lauren's invite was a joke to her and to me it was the world, but I didn't want to lose this occasion, I didn't want to wake up at 3:00 am and have regrets.

It was June 2013 on a Sunday when I went to Lauren's house I was so anxious but I found out it wasn't actually a joke, I won't tell you all the details, I just went in her house and we went straight to her room we didn't really talk that much so instead we just had sex, it was very sweaty and breathless, I just don't like to talk about my first time because all I remember about it is that the next day at school Lauren kept mocking me as if nothing happened, maybe thats why I keep making girls fall in love with me and then when they're so intro me I'll hurt them, I just think hurt people hurt hearts and kill their souls as it happened to me, I don't know much about myself but all I know is that someone else's pain made by me is my happiness and the thing thats so funny to me is that they would try to hide their pain but I can see it in their eyes when they tell me how ugly I am.

You would actually call me a female version of a misogynist because I actually like to hurt women but I won't say I'm so or at least I can say I'm a misogynist towards the woman who killed my soul, but I can be a philophobiac if you look up the definition you will see "fear to fall in love" but it won't be exact. I'm just a girl who loves to hurt people I think you can actually call me a psycho manipulator. I wanted to blame Lauren for this I wanted to make her look bad in all of this but I think she just showed me the tail of the monster that lives inside of me. Love isn't a fair thing, especially when a woman meets me, I don't think all these women I have hurt deserved me but a voice inside of me keeps saying "hurt them hurt them" and it is one of those voices that you can't shut up it will keep growing and it will start to yell it until you don't actually do it, it's easy as that some people take drugs, some people take hearts without giving them back hurting them as much as we can. I don't know who invented love but the girl who taught me it made a huge mess and turned a little monster into a huge one, one day I will say sorry to all the girls, Lauren has to tell me sorry or at least she has to say sorry to all the girls I've hurt.

It was Friday when i was at a Starbucks I saw her the girl who ruined my soul, my love life but especially others love life, she was wearing black and I'm not surprised she used to wear it a lot when we were in school, but this time she was wearing an elegant dress who knows maybe she became a lawyer, then in this case she might defend herself from my provocations who yells at her to be the only problem I have, anyways I hope she won't see me or I hope she does so she will remember how she made me feel.