Praying mantis' madness

The hurting

      Everyday I wake up looking in the mirror telling myself it's just another day, just another 24 hours to pass, actually I don't know why and when I started to do this speech to me, however I have a life that people'd kill to have, but I feel a huge need to remember and assicure myself that the day is transitory that if yesterday has passed also today can. Let's pretend you are a star, a big one you know? The one able to make arenas full of people screaming your name, let's pretend you think I am happy, and why not, let's also suppose that you think my life is happier than yours. But I'm an heart murderer. Anyways I'm sorry to bother you in this way with my thoughts at 7am on a hot Miami day, oh and hey sorry I was so impolite I didn't even introduce myself, I'm Camila Cabello I'm 22 and I was born in the poor but amazing Cuba.

As I was saying before my life isn't happy as I told you before, I have a bad habit and the saddest thing is that I can't even feel ashamed of it and I don't even want to stop, I like to hurt people, not like I want to kill them I just like to hurt people's feeling, especially girls feelings, do you know the feeling that some people have watching the sky with stars? I have the same feeling when I see a heartbroken girl's face, of course her heart must have been broken by me if no where is the fun? I remember the first girl whom I broke the heart of I remember the clammy feeling of pleasure I felt and I threw back when I was 5 and my mom had eyes just for me also if I was the family's troublemaker, like this girl being in love with me also if I was an asshole.

Now let's pretend you are a girl. Let's pretend you are a girl and you are in a pub or even better at party and let's say if you are cute enough for my tastes I'll get near you and start to talk, let's pretend you never met me. You will realize some things as the fact that I'm gay, my big brown eyes that can be compared to a hot chocolate cup in the winter, simply but comfortable as your bed where we will probably lay down at 2am where you will be already so into me that my game could already have been played, you will notice my big lips, soft and delicate as your heart that unknowing will end up being hurt in this game, my game. You will probably end asking me what I do in life and I will tell you I'm an artist, a singer and that you can find my songs on top of itunes, I won't ask to you if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend and I won't even look at your hand to see if you are married because I honestly don't care. Let's pretend you and me will have sex, mostly in their houses I don't like to tell people where I live, let's say you will like sex and we will do it 1..2..3..or even 4 times I'd wake you up while making breakfast and I would probably fake to be shy and goofy women love that, I'd invite you to dinner the next day calling them shyly I'd fake to have had sex 2 times in my life and that I gave my first kiss 2 years ago, another things that women like, I was in pain and I wanted to share it with other girls I didn't want to share love but just pain ,pain and pain again.

This night was Alice's turn to feel my pain she was a college student blonde, tall 1.75 and she has an amazing ass, her eyes are green like my first love's one, Lauren, but of course lauren's were breath taking, we can't compare stars with the milk's galaxy, I was 17 when I met lauren at school and she was pretty popular, I used to give all of me for her, presents, love letters and even food but she always made fun of me in front of her friends maybe she turned me in the monster I am and maybe one day I will try to find out

where she is so she can brake this horrible habits that she gave me, but I already know I won't change because this world has to feel my pain. How hard is it to carry around this heavy heart, people can't live a love life happy if mine is sad, I know it's pretty selfish but let's say so If I have something beautiful I have to share so why not if something is ugly? A lot of people say love can cure and I don't doubt it when I was in love with Lauren my heart was like an oasis where people could have found a place to stay and relax, but when lauren passed in this oasis she took all the water from it and she made it a desert. Talking about the girls I hurted, to be honest was a pleasure have them in bed but it wasn't my goal

I'm too young to be this hurt like that one of my song says, and it is the truth a 22 years old should talk about how beautiful it is fall in love and make love with the person you love, but I can't talk about something I never felt, I can't attach myself to people since I met lauren it's like she left not only hate in me but also a film that doesn't allow me to attach to girls, maybe it is what she wanted be hers for the rest of her life, maybe I'm too much of an idiot to realize it now. Some people think 24/7 how dress to impress their lovers instead I have just one thing in my mind. Guess what?