if you must mourn, don't do it alone (Jactavia)

Part 1, Chapter 1

AN/

So, I have a lot of feelings about season 4 of the 100. In general, they're good. Better than they have been. But, there was definatly two things that just BOTHERED me and continued to bother me, and bothered me so much I felt as though I needed to write a story to correct them. Those two things were how both Octavia and Jasper's arcs were handled. Octavia, by the end, I was minimally okay with. Jasper though? I just can't forgive the show for butchering him, literally. The fact that we had a character with actual PTSD (and hell, I'm surprised everyone doesn't have it) that was hinted at getting better and then they just go off and kill him? Ignore him the entire season, give him only a couple minutes in HIS OWN DEATH EPISODE WHEN HE WAS A MAIN CHARACTER? Hardly talk about his death afterwards when, goddamit, it affected (or should have) EVERYONE left? It makes me so angry, so fucking angry.

And I've been a Jactavia shipper from the start. It was a relationship, even non romantic, the writers underutilized. Both actors commented about how they liked the relationship the two had and their hope it would be played up more. But they didn't even get a chance to talk in season 4, but you know what, I think if they had, both would have gone very different ways. And they wanted to kill Jasper, so nope, couldn't have that. This is me freaking fixing that, because it's a damn shame.

Originally, this was going to be a one-shot...and then a three-shot...and now it's a 10 chap story, completely finished. Basically, it begins somewhere mid season 4, and goes AU from certain events there. It takes 3 big events from the rest of season 4 and re-writes them in this universe.

The title is taken from the Keaton Henson song 'You'. If you're looking for a good song to go and cry with, lordy this is it. It has never not made me emotional. And while I don't think ALL of it fits perfectly to Jactavia's relationship, at least at the start, the one line I took from the title really outlines what I want from this fic. I did intend for them to go romantic, but really, it's a lot and mostly about mutual healing and just working through shit together and actually talking about it.

There's certain discrepancies from the show in this fic, the biggest being the timeline. They made everything happen in like, what, a month? Two months altogether? When ALLIE specifically said like 6 months, or just less than? Even if it was excelerating, I really thought that it would be almost at least 4 months from the start of season 4 to the end, which it wasn't, so I've fixed that.

Also, I'm not mad that Octavia felt too much and that's why she was killing, but from the moment I watched it I always thought it was because she wasn't feeling anything, so that's how I've written it.

Note, just a warning, this story talks a lot about suicide, so if that triggers you in anyway, best maybe not to read. No one huge, not Jasper, ever commits suicide, and it's all off screen, but I thought I should give everyone a fair warning.

This is very Octavia and Jasper centric, but not just in them getting together, but taking time to actually look at their characters and give them change. The first arc will be between both of them equally, the second arc is more Octavia's POV, and the third is mostly Jasper's.

There's other couples in this, mostly background. Bellarke, for one, because letsbehonest everyone knows they like each other. Monty/Harper is another, because it's Jasper's best bud. In this world, this AU, there's also a little Murven...although it's not talked about in this fic, but more on that much later.

This takes place roughly around 'A Lie Guarded'. Octavia is not almost killed by Echo, but she still is in her stabby mood and isn't too keen on returning anywhere she knows. I guess this sorta is like the trip Jasper took where Bellamy went with him, but more prolonged...and just with a different Blake...